For most of my life, Christmas has been a gaudy holiday of childhood. I loved it when my children were younger. I enjoyed scheming for their pleasure, invoking the magic of sparkly lights and surprises in stockings. I also have wonderful memories of my mother – sole provider of four unruly children – making last-minute Christmas miracles, either by passing the hat at the clubs where she sang, or getting us on a VFW list so we could have new toothbrushes and a turkey for the holidays. So I guess I have experienced this holiday mostly through a child’s eyes, one way or another, for most of my life.
Even as a sexologist I remained in a curious state of innocence. It wasn’t until I began writing for Carnal Nation that adult-style, x-rated, XXXmas cheer appeared on my radar. Suddenly, I found it utterly riveting and sexologically compelling: sexy Santa tree ornaments and wrapping paper, red and green sex toys, Santa Babes, randy elves and reindeer romps! Not to mention the many Xmas songs which have been suggestively rewritten (many on YouTube, naturally!). In 2009, I published a Carnal Nation column called Santaphilia. In 2010, I did my first Santaphilia broadcast on Blog Talk Radio.
Tonight, I’m broadcasting Santaphilia 2011. There’s something about this topic that continues to fascinate me even though I am personally not into large men with beards, for one thing – Santaphilia so completely not my kink! But if it’s yours, I hope you’ll call in at (424) 675-8278 and tell me ALL about it! I really want to write a book about this, frankly!
Don’t fret if you miss the broadcast – you can always listen to the archive!
Here are links to some of the raunchiest “carols” found on YouTube. These are for grownups – just saying!
This one is really crude! Sleigh.
And here’s Frosty the Pervert sung by a perky, female vocalist.
Dirty Christmas Song to the tune of Jinglebell Rock – main theme is oral sex.
Finally, Just Fist Me This Christmas by the incomparable Wet Spots.
I know there are other gems out there. Send me links if you have them!