Dear New Clients,
To become a new client for counseling and consultation, you have to have been a student of mine. In this way, you’ve gotten to know me a little through one of my classes, whether in person or online, and I’ve gotten to know you a bit too. In other words, we’ve built some rapport and you know my style.
My work as a counselor/consultant is still strongly oriented toward adult education and practical strategies designed to improve your intimate life and/or health and well-being. For this reason, I am only doing client sessions now with people who have been my students.
This is not as complicated as it sounds. For example, the Secrets of Successful Partners class makes a great precursor to any kind of partner counseling and I’d require you to take it first in any case, as a first step in our work together.
Or if you’ve taken one of my hypnosis and wellness classes, you’re eligible to come to me for a session for quitting smoking, management of hot flashes, or some other concern–even if your presenting issue is not what the class was about. Please see the Hypnosis Classes and Sessions page.
So though you know me as a teacher, here are some thoughts on what it will be like to work with me as professional sex counselor and/or hypnotist. So this letter will tell you a little about what to expect.
Remember that our sessions are confidential. We work together in a “no-shame zone.”
The First and Subsequent Sessions
The first session is always two hours. This includes an-depth conversation about the history of your concerns, some divination or sand tray play as “imaginative lubrication,” and hypnosis. I may also suggest reading, media, or mind-body exercises as part of your “homework.”
Subsequent sessions may be either 1.5 hours or one hour. 1.5 hours is preferred for follow-up, at least for the next two sessions. It’s wise to plan for at least four sessions and a review of progress after that.
Here are some things you’ll want to know in advance:
- This work is not a substitute for psychotherapy or medical care. Often, though, it can be complementary to other treatments and therapies.
- I emphasis education, information, and practical strategies.
- I only work with adults (18+).
- I don’t take insurance.
- In addition to seeing heterosexual people in monogamous relationships, my practice is LGBTQIA etc., kink, and poly friendly.
- I work with individual women (cis and trans), trans men, non-binary and other gender variant people, couples, intimate multiples. Individual cis men are subject to special conditions, due to persistent sexual harrassment by men pretending to be potential clients. See this link.
- My way of working is encouraging, supportive, and eclectic.
- My work is a combination of sexuality counseling, adult sex education, “coaching,” hypnosis, and other mind-body skills – as needed and appropriate.
- My work now includes optional Neopagan and intuitive spirituality elements such as divination, ritual, and hypnotic journeying.
- This work is based on the PLISS part of Jack Annon’s PLISSIT model–I refer on for intensive therapy. PLISS stands for “permission, limited information, specific suggestions.” (See PLISSIT model at bottom of page.)
- The first session is always two-hours long. It’s important to have that time for intake, and also to begin counseling, hypnosis (if wanted), mind-body skills, etc.
- You’ll be given the 2a. Sexological:Disclosure 1:2018 to read and sign. It includes information about the professional organizations whose ethical standards I observe. Please keep it for your reference. (See the link to the form at the bottom of this page.)
- If you are male, you will have additional conditions to meet and a document to sign. See this link.
- Your sessions are confidential and private.
- All in-person sessions are fragrance-free, due to my medical condition. However right now, all sessions are online, via Thera-Link.
- This work is client-centered. I am here to support and encourage you, not to tell you what you “should” be thinking or feeling in your erotic life or your gender.
- We can address behaviors, desires, and feelings that are adult and, if partnered, consensual.
- This work is usually short-term. You might want to plan on four to eight sessions with me, but if you feel complete before that, great!
- Hypnosis isn’t mandatory, but I do use it a lot with clients because it is so helpful. We will address all your questions and fears about hypnosis before using it.
- There will be homework! Or rather, “home play!” There are things I will ask you, or you and a partner, to do at home between sessions. I may also recommend books, websites, toys, etc. These recommendations and activities will help you get the most out of your sessions with me.
Here are some of the issues I work with:
- Erectile dysfunction – if non-medical in nature. Hypnosis is my preferred method. Will often suggest a physical check-up with your doctor to detect or rule out diabetes or other medical conditions.
- Vaginismus – to increase relaxation, decrease guilt, shame or fear around sex. This is best if you are seeing a pelvic floor therapist at the same time.
- Other pelvic pain.
- Guilt, shame, fear around sex.
- Body image issues, including worries about your genitals (size, shape, appearance, function, etc.).
- Desire – “too much,” “too little,” or different between partners.
- Masturbation – to decrease guilt, shame, fear and encourage healthy, fun self-pleasuring.
- Erotica and porn use – is there a problem? If so, what?
- Sexual enrichment – is there something you want to try? Want to know more about? Can advise about erotic massage, erotic hypnosis, sex toys, tantra and sacred sexuality, BDSM and kink, non-monogamy, and more.
- “Coming out” – decreasing stress, offering supportive opportunities to talk.
- The effects of disabilities, medical conditions, and aging on sex and intimacy.
- And more.
Here are some issues that I don’t work with, and some things that I don’t do:
- “Sex Addiction” – sex addiction has been discredited by most respected experts in human sexuality. However, if you are experiencing behavior that feels compulsive or out of balance, we can work on this, often using hypnosis.
- “Conversion Therapy” – It is unethical and is condemned by all respected professionals and organizations. In other words, I will not use hypnosis or any other modality to convince you to have a different sexual preference or gender, or to be someone that you are not. Instead, I support your authentic sexual and/or gender quests of discovery.
- Criminal and Non-Consensual Sexual Offending – This requires specialized training and the expertise of a licensed psychotherapist. I will do my best to find you a referral if you need assistance with this.
- Intimate Touching – A sexuality counselor is not a sex worker.
- Nudity – with one exception. Viewing the nude self in front of a mirror can be helpful when one has a severe negative body image. Most often it would be recommended as a “home play” exercise, but sometimes (with advanced planning and consent) this can be done in a session. Additional disclosure and consent forms are needed for this type of session.
- I will never date or have an intimate relationship with a current or former client or student. It doesn’t matter how long it has been since I’ve worked with the person – it is unethical.
I hope this answers some of your questions. And if you have more, I will be pleased to answer them. I look forward to working with you!
All the best!
1) Please fill out and email the 2. INTAKE Appointment Pages 1:2018. All information must be true and accurate, otherwise there will be no refunds.
2) Download and read the 2a. Sexological:Disclosure 1:2018. Please print out or convert to a PDF, sign, and bring or email prior to your first appointment. In case of online work, send to me before the session is scheduled.