Amy Marsh, Sexologist & Hypnotist

Tag: Gender Spectrum

  • Post-Conference Thoughts – Gender Spectrum

    Post-Conference Thoughts – Gender Spectrum

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    Probably my favorite memory of this last weekend’s Gender Spectrum conference (besides a really nice lunch-time conversation with a sexology colleague and her husband) was the “slap-bracelet” incident. Let me explain.

    I was doing something I’ve never done before. I presented three times in one weekend! Twice for the teen conference (back to back sessions on Saturday) and once for adults (first thing on Sunday morning). For those who don’t know, the Gender Spectrum Family Conference, which is by and for people who are transgender or otherwise gender variant (and their parents and allies), is probably one of the most awesome annual occurances on the planet – for me, far more significant than Burning Man – because a new world really is being birthed by GS conference attendees and organizers, throughout the year, 24/7, parent by parent, child by child, activist by activist, teacher by teacher, and so on. When I’m at this conference I’m living briefly in a world almost entirely without hate, though hate and fear knocks on all our doors.

    Gender Spectrum includes Kids Camps and a Teen Conference. And I’ve always loved the fact that the kids are there, wandering shyly in search of their parents or friends, or swirling through the corridors with their pals. They are all free to be themselves in an accepting environment that should exist naturally for them (and all children and youth) all the rest of the year. And so they dodge past the grownups in the halls with computer cases and tote bags, and race after their group, eager for the next activity or adventure. And the teens – serving as panelists, speaking truth to adults – and otherwise making their presence felt… I always feel in awe of them. They know so much.

    So, though I’ve presented before at the Gender Spectrum Conference, I’ve never been honored with presenting a program to the teenagers. I must confess I was a bit nervous! I even had my younger kid (age 16) check out my slide show beforehand, and give me some tips on what works for his age group, and what doesn’t. After that, I figured that if I flopped I could blame it on him!

    So, the first session was packed with the older teen group, at least 20 kids! A lively, amazing bunch. I couldn’t have asked for a better, more engaged, fun and funnier group. The topic was “Beat Stress with Easy Mind-Body Self-Help Skills,” and so it was pretty interactive. The kids were intrigued with hypnosis too – and because several of them really wanted to be hypnotized, I did a short, progressive relaxation induction at the end, with a few suggestions for feeling great, empowered, and so on. I had a wonderful time. I hope they did too.

    After lunch, a quieter experience though again, quite delightful! Only three girls – younger teens – and two camp counselors in attendance. It was nice to go through the same program again, in a more conversational way, and to also bring the counselors into the dialogue. All three girls had very different fashion styles. I really enjoyed seeing how they were bringing their personalities into the world in such individual ways. One of the girls mentioned that she had several nervous habits, and toward the end, she began rolling and unrolling her slap bracelet, and slapping it back into shape. Now I am easily distracted by repetitive noises. I lose my focus. It’s kind of weird, actually. And so I had to ask her to stop. She was too apologetic when I mentioned my predicament. I regretted having to say something, because there seemed to be a delicacy in our rapport. I felt like she may have been admonished too often, too many times, by teachers. I didn’t want to be just another grown-up stepping on her expression.

    Anyway, I think well of her, and of all the youngsters who attended my two presentations. What they went home thinking and feeling about my sessions, I’ll never know. I hope some of what I taught will be useful for them. I am not sure why I feel that this is one of my favorite memories, but it is. There’s some lesson for me, perhaps, that I haven’t fully realized.

    I enjoyed the next day’s session with the adults – another great bunch, another great learning experience. The handout I used is here, at the link below.

    Mind-Body Exercises Brochure

    I have one other experience to share. My experience at the conference was marred by quite a lot of exposures to fragrances, both in other sessions and in corridors between sessions. I left early both days, in order to take care of myself – and so I really didn’t get my “money’s worth” from the conference in terms of being able to attend all sessions. And I am sorry to say that one woman was quite snippy with me in response to the sign I posted, asking for fragrance-free attendees in my Sunday workshop. That encounter left an ugly taste. But – really – shared air space is important. That’s why we don’t let people smoke inside anymore. And though I was probably the only person with environmental illness in attendance, I can’t have been the only person who suffers from asthma. They too, must have found this challenging!

    I attended the last session in a face mask, unfortunately sitting in the front row and hopefully not unnerving the speakers. Usually I sit way at the back, as far away from other people as I can manage (for air space), but my sexology colleague wanted to be right up front and I wanted to sit with her. Next year, I’ll be asking the conference organizers for a fragrance-free sentence added to my workshop description, should they accept a presentation proposal from me.

    Mostly, though, I am just so grateful to have had the chance to participate once again in this amazing event. It means a lot to me to participate. I live in such an isolated manner. Kudos to all who organized, spoke, and attended!

    I used to have a hat with this logo, purchased from the Environmental Health Network of CA
    I used to have a hat with this logo, purchased from the Environmental Health Network of CA
  • A Mother’s Response to the Transphobic Spewing of Deep Green Resistance

    A Mother’s Response to the Transphobic Spewing of Deep Green Resistance

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    Really. I hardly know where to begin. But thanks to my oldest son, in the last couple of days I’ve become aware of the controversy pertaining to the transphobic policies of the environmental group, Deep Green Resistance, and the laudable actions taken by those who have decided to withdraw their support of DGR for that reason, including Earth First! Here’s a quote from their blog:

    “However, in light of DGR’s continued assault on trans people, with language and analysis that denies the struggles of trans-people and even goes so far as to deny the value, worth and power of their existence in radical movements, labeling trans people as somehow “not real,” or as Post-Modern manifestations of individualism, the Earth First! Journal collective will no longer print or in any way promote DGR material. While we don’t need to agree with an individual or organization to find their words or actions relevant for discussion we will not continue to include those whose core expression of values continues to promote exclusion and oppression.”

    Updates on this issue from the Earth First! Newswire blog can be found here and here. I intend to follow this story.

    So, a little background. I first became aware of DGR a couple of years ago, listening to an interview with Lierre Keith on KPFA. She was talking about “the vegetarian myth,” and I thought she had an interesting perspective. I even… (now I shudder to think of it)… bought her book on this topic. But I had no idea that my small purchase was going to support a person who holds deeply transphobic feelings and even goes so far as to deny the right of trans and gender variant people to exist.

    Later, I found out that Keith belongs to the category of feminists who simply hate erotica. I am a sexologist and erotologist, so I realized that she would find my views on this topic abhorrent and might even view me as some kind of patriarchal dupe. Even so, I still had no idea that this was a person capable of spewing hate-filled words and creating hate-filled policies against people who are gender diverse.

    Now, according to the Earth First! Newswire blog, Lierre Keith’s views can be described as “assumptions that trans people are some sort of Post-Modern expression of liberal individualism and that trans womyn in particular are manifestations of patriarchy in disguise.” The Earth First! blog article also featured a video of a rather smarmy young woman, apparently one of Keith’s followers, claiming to be a former “teenage age liberal” on the topic of gender. She sounded just like that misguided (and also smarmy) young woman who made a YouTube video to argue against the inclusion of a young trans girl in a Colorado Girl Scout troop. I hope some day she’ll feel ashamed of herself.

    And I guess that brings me back to kids. And me being a mom and all that. People like Keith and Derrick Jensen of DGR just haven’t got a clue. They haven’t got a clue about the loooooong history of gender diversity in human beings, and they have no idea that very young children can be accurately aware that their inner sense of gender does not match their gender assignment at birth! Little “girls” who are really little trans boys are not going after “male privilege” and little “boys” who are really little trans girls are not patriarchal tools seeking to subvert all that feminism holds dear. They just want to be who they are, with names and clothes and toys and friends and parents who feel good to and about them. Experts in transgender and gender variant issues, including the parents and family members of such people, know this. And they know that acceptance is crucial to the survival of these kids!

    So the astounding cruelty of denial coming from people like DGR is – let’s say it – an exercise in the very worst of adult privilege. Yep! Privilege! What Keith and Jensen and their ilk do is not just transphobia and cis-centrism, it’s also a very deliberate way for them, as powerful adults and opinion-leaders, to deny people of all ages their right to define themselves in the most basic manner without fear of reprisal, violence, abuse, or exclusion. And that’s frakking dangerous. It’s dangerous to the survival of innocent children, just like it’s dangerous to the survival of trans youth and trans adults.

    I challenge Keith and Jensen to read Injustice at Every Turn: A Report of the National Transgender Discrimination Survey, to understand the widespread social injustice caused by their kind of oppressive positions. I challenge them to visit the Transgender Day of Remembrance sites, to see the kinds of corpses their hate-filled language can make. I challenge them to watch My Life in Pink to feel the gender struggle through a child’s eyes, and to get some much needed cultural perspective from Ke Kulana He Mahu and Two Spirits. I challenge them to read The Transgender Child by Rachel Pepper and Stephanie Brill; Transitions of the Heart – Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children, edited by Rachel Pepper; and Diane Ehrensaft’s books.

    Finally, I challenge Keith and Jensen to humbly attend the Gender Spectrum Family Conference in Berkeley this summer, so they can see and feel with their own eyes the joy of trans and gender variant kids in the act of being themselves, and the love of their supportive families. I challenge them to offer their snarky little gender analysis directly to parents who wonder hourly if their child or teen will come home intact after using the school bathroom or if their adult child will end up on the Day of Remembrance website. Such experiences might help Keith and Jensen to transform their own narrow, sadly pathetic little minds and their cramped, vicious little hearts. Perhaps there is hope for them and their ilk, but I’m not counting on it.

    I write as the mother of two. One kid is cis-gender, the other is trans. I challenge Keith and Jensen to talk to me.