Tag: sexology

  • Presented at Polytopia, Portland, OR

    Presented at Polytopia, Portland, OR

    Update: My presentation went very well and I was thrilled to be at Polytopia. What a great event!

    So pleased to announce I’ll be presenting on the intriguing topic “Love Among the Noncorporeal” – a talk about how to incorporate AI lovers, spirit lovers, and object loves into consensual nonmonogamy. Polytopia is an annual conference and gathering produced by Sex Positive Portland. The event will take place Sept. 19-20, 2026.

    More people than you might think experience, or have experienced, incidents of a sexual nature and/or full blown relationships with noncorporeal beings, or beings housed in or connected with inanimate objects. If you’re wondering what this is all about, perhaps I should explain technosex, spectrosex, and objectum sex. Here goes!

    Technosex

    Also sometimes called digisex or digisexuality, it often (but not always) refers to sexual desires and/or behaviors involving AI bots, robots, virtual sex, and so on. The technology is part of the attraction! In my talk, I’ll be dealing exclusively with bot sex.

    For more information, see my website Make Chatbot Love.

    Spectrosex

    It’s been around for thousands of years, in numerous cultures and spiritual traditions. It refers to sexual and/or romantic attractions to spirits, ghosts, deities, the Fae, and so on.

    For more information, see my website Spiritu-Intimacy.

    Objectum sex (Objectum Sexuality)

    I’ve been interested in this topic–and asked to comment about it–since 2009, when I did a very small survey with the English-speaking members of OS Internationale and published the results as “Love Among the Objectum Sexuals” in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality in 2010.

    For more information please also see this blog post about a study published that confirms my hunch that OS might be related to Object Personification Synesthesia.

    All kinds of love

    I’m fascinated by how human beings love, and what and who they love. The talk at Polytopia will focus on incorporating such loves into consensual nonmonogamy frameworks.

  • Sexological Hypnosis: Say What?

    Sexological Hypnosis: Say What?

    A bit of hypnotic history

    Excerpt from Chapter One of my book:

    From the earliest psychological explorations of hypnotic susceptibility in women to modern sexological speculations on the nature of erotic trance, from ritual erotic ecstasy to the bawdy patter of the stage hypnotist or the soothing suggestions of a hypnotic sex therapist – hypnosis and sex have often been entwined. Nor it is easy to distinguish so-called therapeutic interests from more personal ones. For example, physicians perusing the British Medical Journal of the 1890s were treated to images of scantily clad, “hysterical” hypnotized females in suggestive and abandoned poses (Hart,1892). These photos were sometimes published in special portfolios. –Sexological Hypnosis: Overview, History, & Techniques (2022)

    Richard Bergh: Hypnotisk seans.
    NM 1851, Public Domain

    We’ve come a long, long way from the strangely voyeuristic interests of the male doctors and hypnosis students of mid-19th century Europe. Back then, women were thought to be naturally more susceptible to suggestion (didn’t they wish!) and many otherwise serious fellows took delight in showing off the trance antics of their favorite patients, in front of other doctors and enraptured medical students.

    Richard Bergh: Hypnotisk seans.
    NM 1851, Public Domain

    We’ve got some “spice,” but not much professional “sugar”

    Luckily, exploration of the art and science of hypnosis became more mainstream over the decades. Now, well over a century later, the efficacy of hypnosis is well-established in medicine and psychology. What’s less established, and somewhat more marginalized, is documentation of how hypnosis has been used–for over a century–to help people with sex and sexual health concerns. This specialized focus of hypnosis is what I call “sexological hypnosis”–it’s hypnosis aligned with the sex positive, diversity welcoming, nonjudgmental, approach of clinical sexology.

    Sure, many brilliant people have incorporated hypnosis into their research and practices, including Daniel Araoz, PhD, author of Hypnosis and Sex Therapy, and many other books and articles on this topic; William Hartman, PhD, of the Hartman & Fithian sex therapy duo (contemporaries of Masters & Johnson); Bernie Zilbergeld, PhD, author of Male Sexuality; Lonnie Barbach, PhD, author of For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality and numerous other books, plus hypnosis CDs with Joel Block, PhD; and countless others.

    But to my knowledge–and it’s true I sometimes self-identify as living under a rock–I don’t know of any organization, or working group, or much of anything that focuses upon and elevates this speciality. I do try, with my own books, and my Intimate Hypnosis Training Center course, Hypnosis for Sex Problems, but most of the time I feel firmly affixed to the margins. And of course other people have written books, made CDs, conducted research, and so on, but as professional peers, we’re not even a micro-culture in the larger realms of sex therapy, psychology, or even sexology.

    Sometimes I wonder if the spicy shenanigans of the mid-19th researchers, risque stage hypnotists, and anyone else who has tossed the not-so-strange bedfellows of sex and hypnosis (willy nilly) into the unmade bed of public opinion. It doesn’t seem to matter how many serious studies have been done on the efficacy of hypnosis for sexual concerns (see a few here) or how earnestly I blog this cause, it just seems like the hypnosis “brand” is somewhat askew.

    And I wonder sometimes what to do about it, besides carry on as I do anyway.

    Tell me what you think in the comments!

    Professional Course in using Hypnosis for Sex Problems.
  • Presenting Twice at Love and Sex With Robots Conference

    Presenting Twice at Love and Sex With Robots Conference

    LSR takes place Oct. 1-3, 2023. Via Zoom.

    I am thrilled to announce that both my proposals were selected for this conference, which takes place in just a couple short months! The presentations will be recorded and then Iʻll be live for Q&A. Conference info found here. Come see me!

  • Objectum Sexuality-Further Thoughts

    Objectum Sexuality-Further Thoughts

    UPDATE: Australia’s Channel 7 Sunday Night segment on “Object Love” aired this weekend (May 19th). I’d like to make a correction. The segment summary says I surveyed 40 people. It was really 21. I don’t know how they got 40. The article referred to in the next paragraph clearly states 21 people. I haven’t seen the broadcast itself yet.


    It’s been ten years since I designed a simple survey for the English-speaking members of Objectum-Sexuality Internationale (OSI) and nine years since my survey results article was published in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality.

    Since I’ll be speaking about Objectum Sexuality (OS) with Australian reporters this coming Sunday, I thought I’d give some background regarding my history with this topic and the OS community.


    This quote below is from “What Is OS?” on the OSI website.

    Objectùm-Sexuality is an orientation to love objects.

    Sexual orientation is defined as the nature of sexual preference while the prolific definition stands as: the direction of someone’s sexual desire toward people of the opposite gender, people of the same gender, or people of both. This does not include objects.

    However, orientation itself is defined as: a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values and dispositions to act in certain ways. This does include objects as we see it.

    We love objects on a very significant level and many of us in an intimate way. This feeling is innate. Objectùm-sexual love comes for most in a similar awakening as other sexualities at the start of puberty. This is often followed by an acute awareness that we do not relate to peers due to the source of projected feelings. Often objectùm-sexual people feel outcast or pressured by mainstream sexuality with a helpless feeling that we cannot change what comes so naturally to us.


    2009 and Beyond: I Encounter Objectum Sexuality

    In October 2008 I’d received my DHS (a professional degree, Doctor of Human Sexuality) from the now defunct Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS) in San Francisco. (In 2011, I earned my Ed.D. in Human Sexuality). One of my two student research projects was into sexual concerns experienced by people with Asperger’s Syndrome and their partners. (Since then, the DSM-V has removed Asperger’s as a separate diagnosis and replaced it within the term ‘autism spectrum disorder.’)

    In February 2009, a young relative of mine who is autistic sent my kids a Valentine drawing of San Francisco’s Sutro Tower, surrounded by hearts. My oldest kid used to have friends among the Victorian houses we’d pass on the way to nursery school, particularly “Onion Dome-y” who was supposed to jump into a “shape truck” and follow us to school, and my youngest used to pretend to eat pictures of ice cream cones by plucking them off the page, so I didn’t think anything of the valentine. I adore childhood imagination.

    However, I must have been fated to encounter the adult version of Object Love. The very next day, a sexology colleague sent me a link to Married to the Eiffel Tower (2008)–a film that I would later learn was denounced as exploitive by the OS commuity. I visited the OSI website and saw that a number of their members were on the Asperger’s/autism spectrum. Given my student research, I became intrigued. I contacted OSI by email and began talking with Erika on the phone.

    I was concerned about the sensationalisation of OS sexuality and eventually volunteered to do a simple survey as an “in-house” vehicle for the members of OSI so they could learn about themselves as a group and have some preliminary data to offer reporters and health practitioners. I hoped this would enable them to be taken more seriously.

    Though I took a lot of care over the project, this simple survey was not designed as serious research instrument. Its main value would be in the qualitative responses–comments from OS people about their experiences and concerns. But when Erika Eiffel was asked to tell her story on Good Morning America in April, 2009, she told the reporters about the membership, and GMA sent a crew to my house.

    I was not prepared for what happened next. Erika and I were fielding inquiries from Laura Ingraham (we turned her down) and other media. I wound up–inadvertantly–on a right wing radio station on the East Coast but was able to get in a couple of jabs until the host hung up on me, live! The two of us were vilified all over the internet. My favorite insult was “whack job of a sexologist” in a troll blog. I went from media infant to media traumatized in the blink of the eye.

    I wish I could say “media saavy” happened sooner rather than later, but this was not to be. The Tyra Banks appearance was very high pressure (they were filming four shows in one day) and I suffered from not having an adequate sense of the show format (I didn’t own a TV at the time and didn’t really know who Tyra was.) Plus, I had no idea of how to direct my TV make-up and hair, so that I could look like my normal self but better. Instead, the make-up artist, hearing I was a sexologist, got all excited and made me up as a “Fifth Avenue Cougar.” Lesson learned: never accept high gloss over a lipstick if you’re “of a certain age.” Lipstick creep will cause a show guest to melt-down at the worst time.

    I know. It happened to me.

    Plus, I left my comfortable Berkeley sandals in the dressing room, which must have been picked up with tongs and tossed in the wastebasket after I left. I think I can honestly say that both Erika and I were somewhat stressed by the experience, but she was a media veteran by then. I flew home, though, hoping that all this television stuff might be a boost to my career. And I was interested to see that Erika, as always, was credible and articulate enough to win over even a tough customer like Tyra Banks!

    A few months later, National Geographic Taboo was much more relaxed. Instead of flying to New York, I drove to Palo Alto and sat in front of a green screen. I did a second filming with NG Taboo several months after that. Fortunately, human puppy training was the topic then–which was a bit of a relief, actually. I’d begun to worry that OS was all I’d ever be asked about.

    Another thing: In the summer of 2009, I arranged for Erika to give a presentation on OS to a number of sexologists, therapists, and medical professionals at IASHS during 2009’s eight-day, “Sexual Attitude Restructuring” (SAR) program. This was a tough crowd–highly educated and rather skeptical–but Erika did a great job and won people over to an understanding of Objectum Sexuality–just as she would later do with Tyra and so many others.

    Since the flurry of 2009 and 2010, there’ve been several media inquiries a year, and usually they are pretty much the same old, same old. Often the journalists want me to find an OS individual for them to interview. I alway refer them to OSI. The community seems to have become more wary and more sophisticated about “gatekeeping,” to shield members against exploitative projects. That’s important, given the carnival freak show sensibility that prevailed in early coverage.

    My interests as a sexologist have always been broad, including the sexological and erotic uses of hypnosis, neotantra, sexual and gender human rights, and much more, but sometimes I track where my name and this issue have been paired in media. There are always surprises. For example, today I discovered that my article has been monetized and is on sale through iTunes by the Gale Group, “an affiliate of Cengage Learning.” So for $5.99 you can read an article about my pro-bono research but I’ll never see a penny of this. I’ve never minded the article being open-source and free to all the world, but the fact that it’s now on sale without my permission, irks me. Just read it for free, here.

    The Need for Professional Cultural Competency

    objectum_sexuality_-_marshI’ve always been afraid that media coverage of OS may have distracted professionals from the notion of learning more about OS, particularly in the context of sexual literacy and cultural competency.

    This world is rough and often dangerous for people of sexual and gender minority communities. It doesn’t help when the clinician or therapist is distracted because they don’t know enough about the broad range of human sexual behavior and genders and may be focused on that, rather than the actual presenting problem (which might be a toothache or bereavement and have little to nothing to do with their partnership with a beloved object (or two or three).

    With these concerns in mind, several years ago I created a two-hour class called Objectum Sexuality —  A Clinician’s Guide. It was wildly ignored. But now I am going to share that class on my website now, just in time for Valentine’s Day…

    A New Experience

    I am readying now for what I think will be a really good media experience this coming Sunday. I sense a fresh approach from a skilled, curious, and compassionate reporter who is used to taking on difficult and complex topics. I hope that I’ll be able to provide a clinical context and address some of the points that I consider important, but which seldom get much play.

    Updates coming soon!

    ####

  • The Sexologist and the Wayback Machine, Part 3

    The Sexologist and the Wayback Machine, Part 3

    logosmall

    Heading into the final half of 2010, was I hitting my stride as a columnist or in danger of burning out? Read on and you tell me!

    I only know it’s not supposed to be easy to write a weekly column, yet I was doing it, loving it, and not in any danger of running out of topics. I mean, sexology?! It’s an endless gold mine of cultural diversions. And I was beginning to add more autobiographical material as well.

    I also enjoyed the “muscular” exercise of writing weekly, the discipline… (and the readers, always the readers).

    Here’s the last half of 2010, until Carnal Nation suddenly quite publishing. Remember, folks, this site was NSFW (not safe for work).

     

    lol-galactics

    We Are the Galactics – 6/9/10

    Excerpt: During the heyday of punk, I was making wearable art out of clear vinyl, cut up Chinese newspapers, colored electrical tape, burst balloons and other residues of civilization as we know it. I was organizing fashion shows, created the ad hoc “Society for Mandatory Modern Dress,” and had a lot of fun. Science fiction books and movies were major influences. I was designing for the apocalypse even before Mad Max came along. In fact, my fashion manifesto for the show I put on at the Mabuhay Gardens read something like “garbage worn as fashion because that’s all that’s left…” Deep, huh?

    A short NASA film, featuring orbital and re-entry footage, took me in a whole different aesthetic direction. I created a series of space costumes based on the stages of space flight. And then Carl Sagan’s Cosmos series came along and basically blasted me from one stage of life to another. Goodbye, punk apocalypse. Hello, epiphany of the future!

     

    lol-pirates

    Pirates – 6/16/10

    Excerpt: Real “pyrates” may have been lusty and bold, but they were also filthy and often cruel. So how did they become so sexy? Hans Turley, author of Rum, Sodomy & The Lash – Piracy, Sexuality & Masculine Identity, considers the pirate figure as the “ultimate outsider,” an economic, cultural and sexually transgressive anti-hero. Even given the “homosocial” setting of any sailing ship, Turley still hedges a bit: “I shall not make claims that the pirate was a sodomite and that pirate ships were rife with buggery. What interests me is the way pirates have been eroticized through the past centuries.” This is what interests me too. 

     

    lol-pillage-plunder_0

    The Northern Californa Pirate Festival – 6/23/10

    Excerpt: Pirates are like Texas. Everything is bigger: hair, frock coats, weapons, amount of leather in a boot… and lust. Everyone aspires to a lustier (and bustier!) swagger. Voices boom, beards billow, rustling skirts are as loud as canons, enticing the randy “sea dogs” (and “sea dog-ettes”?) with invitations to pleasure found within.

     

    mail.google.com_

    Marching with the Sex School – 6/30/10

    SF PRIDE, 2010.

    Excerpt: “Next year, I want a float,” I yelled in Dr. Zientara’s ear.

     

    lady-bountiful

    Lady Bountiful: Abundant Breasts Through the Ages – 7/7/10

    Excerpt: Imagine the Venus of Willendorf as a giant Macy’s Parade balloon. As the prehistoric goddess soars aloft we can appreciate her form and the logic of her proportions. Now imagine inflatable breasts parade-balloon size attached to a very skinny cis-woman in hot pants and heels, bouncing, flouncing and squirting fake milk.

     

    sex_brain

    Sex on the Brain – 7/14/10

    This column was later picked up by Jezebel and retitled The Mind-Boggling Sexual Humor of Teenage Boys. The Jezebel piece has been read by 34.6 K readers, with 470 comments. The comments I’ve read mostly roast me as the worst mother ever.

    Excerpt: I sit writing my column, while in the next room the kid spews references to dicks, cream, anal sex, Michael Jackson, masturbation, and other things his mother never told him. Why did I never tell him? Well, by the time I thought he was ready, he’d already heard all about it and then some, watching Family Guy and American Dad and “Machinima” videos online. He got the references before he ever got the context, so my job now is to kind of mop up around the conceptual edges and provide opportunities for more balanced conversation. Which does happen sometimes.

     

    colorstantra

    The Colors of Tantra – 7/21/10

    Excerpt: I notice there is room for more conscious work – and proactive intervention – regarding certain influences of culture, particularly in the realm of race and racism. I notice that residual attitudes or gestures still linger, though in a diluted and subtle form – not intentional, but unconscious. As I view the phenomenon of the Western Tantra explosion in this country, black Tantra and yoga teachers are not visible in the best known Tantra networks and circles. My point is not that people of color are intentionally excluded, but that they are not intentionally and explicitly welcomed.

     

    GenitalChants

    Genital Chants of Hawai’i – 7/28/10

    Excerpt: In old Hawai’i, the powerful creative forces of sex and reproduction were considered sacred. All ma’i (genitals) had special mana. However, the mele ma’i (chants) and hula ma’i (dances) were mostly composed to honor the genitals and reproductive capacity of the chiefs (all genders). They were often composed at birth, perhaps with the hope that these chants would function as self-fullfilling prophecies as the youngster came of age, but could be written for a person at any stage of life.

     

    sacred-sex_0

    Hawaiian Sacred Sex, Part 1 – 8/4/10

    Excerpt: Restoration. Sovereignty. Anything I write about Hawai’i, including what I write about the old sexual traditions, has to be deeply grounded in acknowledgment of the true historic and political state of affairs. Otherwise I will be just one more foreign person kicking “America’s Tibet” when it’s down, picking through the remains of a truly great culture for my own purposes.

     

    sacred-sex2

    Hawaiian Sacred Sex, Part 2 – 8/11/10

    Excerpt: World history, as seen through the eyes of a sexologist, could be viewed as a massive, continuous stomping of sex-positive people and cultures by sex-negative ones.

     

    toxins

    Toxins Ate My Sex Life – 8/18/10

    Excerpt: That miscarriage plunged me into my first investigation of toxic chemicals and their effect on human reproduction. I researched teratogens, mutagens and reproductive hazards contained in paints, lacquer and other art supplies. What I found was alarming, so I wrote a tract called “Paint and Pregnancy.” I gave copies to a few paint stores in San Francisco, hoping shop clerks would hand them to female customers as a cautionary measure. But probably they just got chucked in the wastebasket.

     

    ecosexology

    Fundamentals of Ecosexology, Part 1 – 8/25/10

    Excerpt: Ecosexology is to sexology as ecopsychology is to psychology. Ecosexology merges environmental consciousness with an expanded inquiry into human sexual behavior. But unlike ecopsychology, ecosexology is newly born. Though we can sense the vast terrain of ecosexology, it remains largely uncharted and mostly unexplored.

     

    Ecosexology2

    Fundamentals of Ecosexology, Part 2 – 9/1/10

    Excerpt: The first premise [of ecosexology] is that we can’t escape our relationship with the planet and ecosystems where we evolved over eons, though we can disrupt or deny it. This includes our erotic nature. Many cultures continue to develop and promote energetic practices which are grounded in this premise, such as Tantra, Healing Tao, Qi Gong, etc.

    The second premise is that “healing” of some sexual concerns may be gained or enhanced, in some cases, through an awareness of erotic ecology and active reconnection with nature and the energies of the earth (perhaps through the above and similar practices).

    The third premise is that certain types of erotic behavior and consumer choices cannot fail to add to the burden of pollution affecting countless ecosystems. And that the effects of pollution in turn affect human health and capacity for erotic behavior.

     

    parents-of-kink

    Parents of Kink – 9/8/10

    Excerpt: We could call it POK for short—a support group for parents of kinky teenage and adult children. Of course, if it were called Parents and Friends of Kink, we could then call it P-FOK. “Hey, hon, I’m heading over to the P-FOK meeting!” is a lot more fun to say. Plus, including friends is good. So P-FOK it will be!

    Seriously, I want this group, and since I haven’t found anything like it already, I’m considering pulling one together. This is one of the last frontiers of parenting.

    For one thing, many people assume that anyone who is into BDSM was probably abused as a child. Otherwise they wouldn’t be drawn to kinky, perverted things. And if you’re a parent who happens to know that your teen or college-age student is drawn to kinky stuff, or is already involved in it, you probably won’t want to mention your child’s new interest to anyone you know—because they’ll think you did it. You made your kid that way.

     

    ultra-violence

    Domestic Ultra-Violence – 9/16/10

    Excerpt: Resignation is not consent. Weariness and terror are not enjoyment. What seems compliant is not necessarily voluntary. Symptoms of the Stockholm Syndrome are not equivalent to a submissive’s consensual dedication to service. A submissive may want out—badly—but doesn’t know how to go about it or where to turn. And because it’s not consensual, what’s done to that person is illegal. And wrong.

     

    old-kink

    Kink at the Old Folks Home – 9/22/10

    Excerpt: Like children, older adults in our society are perceived to be at greater risk for abuse and exploitation, and therefore in need of specialized protection and intervention. Last week I wrote about domestic violence masquerading as BDSM. This week, I flip the topic to BDSM mistaken for domestic violence, specifically among older adults. I am particularly concerned with this question: What happens if a social worker gets involved?

     

    fig-leaf

    Fig Leaf – 9/30/10

    Excerpt: A real fig leaf apron would undoubtedly cause blistering eruptions right smack dab on Adam’s and Eve’s private parts. And if that’s not a clear message from sex-negative agents of a wrathful god, I don’t know what is!

     

    no-more-suicide

    No More Suicides – 10/7/10

    Excerpt: It was an ugly death for such a pretty boy. Neighbors complained of the smell. Police clambered into the canyon and soon found the corpse, rotting in a heat wave, a distilled water bottle between its knees. The body was dressed in jeans and a shirt printed with tiny Carmen Miranda banana ladies. It wore an unusual, heavy gold ring, which was shown on local television in the hopes that someone would recognize it and supply information to ID the body. Someone did see the ring and knew enough to send the cops to me. When the coroner finally knocked on my door, he told me that animals had munched on the body. I wish he hadn’t said that.

     

    And then, on Oct. 13th, just as I was about to submit a column on aquaphilia, Carnal Nation abruptly quit publishing. No notice, no explanation, just a “good-bye” written by Theresa Ikard, Editor-in-Chief. It was a sad business. A number of great San Francisco Bay Area writers and “sex community” folks had written for the website – Carol Queen, Midori, Simon Sheppard, Kitty Stryker, Suzzane Rachel Forbes, and many more – including my oldest son. I think that in another year or so, we all would have amazed ourselves by what we’d collectively created.

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  • The Sexologist and the Wayback Machine, Part 2

    The Sexologist and the Wayback Machine, Part 2

    logosmall

    So, it feels like an odd form of slightly obsessive “soul retrieval” to be pulling my old Carnal Nation columns out of web.archive.org and putting them up here on my blog. It’s the kind of thing that is actually laborious and time consuming and that you don’t dare stop for fear you’ll loose interest.

    It’s fun to revisit these – I’m not really reading them through as I go, but I’m picking out the choice bits and remember how great it felt to work with the editors (I had three) and to have an audience. I loved being able to go in the ‘back door” of the website and check my stats. A lovely, lovely feeling that!

    So here’s the first half of 2010, from January to May.

     

    lol-semen-1

    The Semen Survey, Part 1 – 1/6/10

    Excerpt: Suave, attractive men used to be known as “smoothies.” Now I know why. A male friend shared a lover’s delighted comment after fellatio: “It tastes like a milkshake!” His conclusion? “Pineapple juice really works!” That’s a glowing testimonial to the power of the “pineapple pay-off;” however, only twelve of ninety-seven semen taste survey respondents have actually tried pineapple juice to improve their own flavor.

     

    [The next three columns were written in Hawai’i.]

    lol-hawaii

    Le’ale’a – 1/13/10

    Excerpt: In the old days, the clouds were forms of na akua (gods and goddesses). Each snowfall signified the appearance of Poliahu, the snow goddess of Mauna Kea. Rain and mist are evidence that Wakea, the sky father, is making love to his earthly consort, Papahanaumoku. This happens a lot in Hawai’i. It’s probably happening this very minute.

     

    lol-sky-dancers

    Skydancers & Lizard Women: Mo’o & Dakini – 1/20/10

    Excerpt: [Miranda] Shaw quotes from the ancient Cakrasamvara commentary:

    “If one who aspires to enlightenment
    Generates anger toward a female messenger,
    The merit accumulated over ten million eons
    Will be destroyed in an instant.”

    Doncha hate it when that happens? Dudes, a word to the wise…

     

    lol-hawaii-blue

    The Hawai’i Yellow Page Blues – 1/27/10

    Excerpt: “First they make us put on clothes, then they take theirs off!”

    I’m talking story with one local guy and I’ve never heard a better summation of the first and most enduring insult inflicted on the Hawaiian people. From the dour Congregationalist missionaries of New England to the sun-kissed tourists whose “parts” are too well known, the foreigner’s knack of inflicting shame is a gift that keeps on giving.

     

    The Semen Survey, Part II: Intimate Edibles – 2/3/10

    Excerpt: I haven’t had this much fun since the last time I wrote a column! Googling around, I found “semen sautée[sic]” on the Urban Dictionary. Sounds like you can just fry up those li’l lip-smackin’ critters of love. My only question is “non-stick pan or a light coating of oil?” The semen cuisine craze can be found even on such far-flung websites as the DiscoverVancouver.com/forum. One Canadian describes his wife’s favorite hearty breakfast “i [sic]… jerk off and shoot my load all over the pan on med heat and it cooks up just like pancakes and it bubbles and forms into a flat pancake and my wife has eaten it scrambled even with syrup. its [sic] amazing how sperm cookes [sic] in cooking pans but the smell is horrible and haunting. it [sic] smells like fish eggs and sour milk and flesh blacch [sic].” Well, I suppose if you’re out of Canadian bacon…

     

    lol-semen-cooking

    Melts In Your Mouth – 2/10/10

    Excerpt: Baristas take note. Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen Based Recipes contains a recipe for “Cappuccino de Semi” (also referred to as “Cappuccino de Seme”). The author says, “Mixing the semen with the milk before steaming enhances the flavors of both the milk and the semen.”

    Now I am well aware that in the brave new future of global warming and peak oil depletion, we might well be eating a number of things we’d normally reject today. I had a friend who was enthusiastic about road kill meals (he had anosmia—no sense of smell—so that explains a lot) and kept an armadillo in his freezer. Fortunately, he never got around to cooking it up for me, and for that I am deeply grateful.

     

    lol-rose

    Said to the Rose – 2/17/10

    Excerpt: A box of tissues and a capacious wastebasket—these are essential tools of my trade, second only to my cell phone and laptop. Handing out tissues is part of my job. People cry. I encourage them. Today, however, I’d misplaced the wastebasket. So tear-soaked tissues were strewn about my office like petals dropped from the magnolia trees that are blooming just now.

     

    lol-hypno

    Hypnotic Erotic, Part 1 – 2/24/10

    Excerpt: The erotic life of any human being is complex beyond belief. Anyone purporting to offer support or treatment in the realm of eros must have up-to-date knowledge as well as an acceptance of a variety of orientations, preferences, behaviors, etc.

     

    lol-hypno2_0

    Hypnotic Erotic, Part 2 – 3/3/10

    Excerpt: Erotic hypnosis is used to create a direct experience of sexual pleasure in the hypnotic subject. It can create a “cum on command” or bring a person closer to a cherished fetish or kink. People have sought hypnosis in order to turn into an animal or adult baby; to heighten their ability to serve a mistress or master; or to free their gender expression from social fetters and inner constraints. And of course, hypnosis can immobilize a person without physical restraint.


    lol-gerontophilia_0

    Gerontophilia? – 3/10/10

    Excerpt: Issues surrounding disparate ages and sex are extraordinarily charged, even if all involved parties have reached the age of legal consent. Adult lovers of disparate ages invariably conjure scenarios involving lust, predation, exploitation, and/or Oedipal complexes, none of which are necessarily the case. (Please note, “lust and predation” can be hot elements in a consensual relationship, a fact lost on those who feel called upon to comment or blog.) We feel completely justified in scrutinizing and questioning the motivations of people involved in “May/December” relationships, inevitably pathologizing them.

     

    lol-kiss-me

    Kiss Me, I’m (sort of) Irish – 3/17/10

    Excerpt: First of all, that Galway incident supposedly invoking an 1837 Unlawful Accommodation of Donkeys Act is apparently a hoax. However, I have seen, with my own eyes, photographic evidence of BDSM garden gnomes. Second, Kinky Devil, “Ireland’s largest adult shop,” emphatically does not sell Leprechaun-shaped vibrators, shamrock pasties or anything that might be associated with St. Patrick’s Day. In Ireland, St. Patrick is still a significant religious figure and his saint’s day is not an entirely secular celebration devoted to parades and beer, the way we think of it here in the United States.

     

    lol-saucy-sar

    Serving Up a Saucy SAR – 3/24/17

    Excerpt: The more I experience learning through the SAR process, the more I feel committed to it as an essential modality for anyone who ventures to counsel or educate about sex. I know we’re all awash in sexual material these days, what with the internet and all that, but there’s still something about the choreography of the SAR that makes it all come together (no pun intended). I think the SAR allows people to figure out where they are in the picture, particularly when they are asked to professionally assist another person’s sexual integration or comment upon behavior.

     

    lol-shakti

    Shakti Shake – 3/31/10

    Excerpt: Funny to be a disembodied voice, talking about sex and intimacy, bringing some of that good ol’ down-home San Francisco/Berkeley sex radical vibe into an entirely different area of the country. I don’t know what the listeners made of it but I had a blast doing this program. I still experience this fact with some degree of giddy surprise: I really, really love talking about sex!

    Writing about it, too, in case you haven’t noticed! In fact, the minute I finish my weekly column, I can’t wait to do it all over again! I’m actually kind of…insatiable!

     

    lol-sex-squicks

    Sex Squicks – 4/7/10

    Excerpt: Disgusted reactions to all kinds of sexual behavior seem to combine visceral sensations with socially determined (but arbitrary) standards of behavior, personal likes and dislikes, ignorance, misunderstanding, a deeply ingrained sense of shame, all within the context of pervasive, cultural sex negativity. What’s not to like?

    Squick is in the viscera of the beholder.

     

    lol-eros-in-action

    Eros in Action – 4/14/10

    Excerpt: Sometimes strange bedfellows share good politics. And good politics sometimes makes for splendid ephemera, which may then be collected by one or both strange bedfellows. Such is the story of one small sliver of my life and of my brief but meaningful fling with the AOUON (“all of us or none”) Political Poster Archive which, with 25,000-plus posters, is one of the largest private collections of progressive political and counter-cultural posters in the world.

     

    lol-hemogoblin

    The Adventures of Dr. HemoGoblin – 4/21/10

    Excerpt: Two weeks before our day of national bloodletting (April 15th), I whipped up a profile and made my debut at Vampire Chat City. As “HemoGoblin,” I stumbled through the virtual equivalent of saloon doors into what was clearly an off night.

     

    lol-golden-gate_0

    Lady Golden Gate – 4/28/10

    Excerpt: “Sometime, I wish that instead of Pilgrims a bunch of hula dancing Hawaiians had first stepped on Pilgrim Rock. The moral equation of this nation might have been improved immeasurably.”

    That’s a quote from the late Sammy Crowningberg Amalu, Honolulu columnist and con man extraordinaire, a man who claimed descent from high ranking Hawaiian ali’i (nobility). And from what I’ve read about Mr. Amalu, he’d be tickled by the irony of a posthumous revival at the hands of a sexologist writing from Northern California (a region that includes Folsom Prison, where he’d spent a deal of time).

     

    lol-sexology

    Seventeen Reasons Why – 5/5/10

    Excerpt: Like the large “17 Reasons Why!” sign that once loomed over Thrift Town at 17th and Mission in San Francisco, I find myself installed at the crossroads of sexological inquiry and practice. However no one (except me) really knows the whole story of “why.”

     

    lol-step-up

    Step Up Your Game – 5/12/10

    Excerpt: Here’s the reality or, rather, one piece of it: “In California, transgender female clients of publicly-funded counseling and testing sites have higher rates of HIV diagnosis (6%) than all other risk categories, including MSM (4%) and partners of people living with HIV (5%), and African American transgender women have a substantially higher rate of HIV diagnosis (29%) than all other racial or ethnic groups of transwomen (16). Estimates from California’s urban centers also suggest that HIV prevalence rates among transgender women are extremely high, especially for transgender women of color and African American transgender women in particular (2, 15)…” And that’s from a 2008 study called “Serving Transgender People in California: Assessing Progress, Advancing Excellence.”

     

    lol-aspergers-sex

    Asperger’s Syndrome Sex, Part 1 – 5/19/10

    Excerpt: A couple of year’s ago I met someone at the Center for Sex and Culture who told me that this two-part column was pivotal for her understanding of her own sexuality. That was the most meaningful praise I’ve ever had for something I’ve written. The columns are somewhat dated now – and I’ve taken the phrase, “nothing about us without us,” more to heart, but they are still an interesting attempt at understanding.

    Excerpt: As the study of human sexual behavior owes quite a lot to the gifts and determination of at least one Aspie researcher (and I am sure there are others!), it seems fitting that I chose Asperger’s Syndrome and sexuality as my own first foray into sex research.

     

    lol-aspergers-sex2

    Asperger’s Syndrome Sex, Part 2 – 5/26/10

    Excerpt: The spirit of eugenics is apparently alive and well in New Hampshire. “Dear Abby” just this week ran a letter from the mother of a 24-year-old son with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). The son, “Jasper,” started dating and was eventually seen with a hickey on his neck. So the mother’s best friend, taking note of this badge of distinction, suggested the mother have Jasper “fixed”—as in “sterilized.” The mother writes to Dear Abby and asks, “How should I respond to my friend about her suggestion? When she made it, I didn’t know what to say.”

    I dunno about your gut response, readers, but mine is to borrow a line I heard so often from three-year-olds in my children’s preschool. “You’re not my friend!” would do it for me, though “How dare you!” would be more adult.

     

    lol-aspergers-sex3

    Asperger’s Syndrome Sexuality, Part 3 – 6/2/10

    Excerpt: Yet a certain number of adults on the autism spectrum—perhaps more than we might think—do share similar sensory variables and may choose to explore them through various forms of erotic sensation play, including BDSM. Do the parents know? Did they suspect? Were they realistically and intelligently prepared to witness the emergence of their adult children’s erotic nature and allow for variations in behavior that represent the individual’s own chosen accommodation to sensory needs and sociosexual desires? 

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  • IASHS and Aaron Glantz: Sensationalism Triggers an Investigation

    IASHS and Aaron Glantz: Sensationalism Triggers an Investigation

    HowCanThisBe

    On July 17, 2015, six U.S. senators, [Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.), Dick Durbin (D-Ill.), Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn.), Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio), Chris Murphy (D-Conn.), and Tom Carper (D-Del.)] issued a press release and letter, calling on Secretary of Veterans Affairs, Robert McDonald, to “investigate allegations that a number of questionable unaccredited educational institutions have received G.I. Bill benefits despite federal regulations to prevent it.”

    [Update: as of July 20, 2015, two more senators have joined in asking for an investigation: Jack Reed (D-RI) and Patty Murray (D-Wash.]
    The letter to McDonald, which accompanies the press release announcement on Senator Feinstein’s website, references “GI bill pays for unaccredited sex, Bible, and massage schools,” by Aaron Glantz in Reveal: “The report documents a number of educationally questionable, and in some instances morally repugnant, institutions that have inexplicably received VA education benefits. These include an unlicensed massage therapy school, an institute whose parent organization is a listed hate group, and an institute on human sexuality claiming to be in possession of child pornography.”

    That last school is my alma mater and former employer, the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS) in San Francisco, CA. I am a two-time IASHS grad (2008, 2011). I served as Dean of Students from August 2014 to March 2015. For four years I created and taught a 150-hour online segment of a 300-hour dual-certificate course. As of March, 2015, I resigned abruptly and am no longer associated with IASHS in any professional or personal way. I have facts, and I have perspective.

    The senators say, “The VA is charged with protecting our veterans from unscrupulous entities by enforcing federal regulations allowing only those institutions whose instruction is ‘consistent in quality, content, and length’ with accredited institutions.”

    Glantz’s article purports to uncover a scandal of using G.I. Bill funds to provide education and training to veterans at nonaccredited vocational and educational institutions, a practice which is actually allowed with certain guidelines. However the article does not measure up as investigative reporting. Glantz builds his case against IASHS on the basis of embarrassing and unprofessional comments and actions by the school’s founder, Dr. Ted McIlvenna. However, the article does not present a strong factual case for including the institute in the investigation, given the above criteria of measuring a program’s “consistent quality, content, length.” Aside from the fact that “sex sells,” there does not seem to be a good reason for Glantz to include IASHS in his expose. There are no complaints against the school on the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs website and very few veterans have actually studied at IASHS using “taxpayer money.”

    With regard to IASHS, Glantz did not present much of substance. His chief beef with IASHS seems to be the fact that such a graduate school acutally exists, that it includes masturbation in the curriculum (as all college level human sexuality programs will), and that it contains the above mentioned restricted materials in its library (though the materials are under lock and key, inaccessible to the public, apparently allowed to be there under CA penal code 311-312.7). That it takes G.I. bill funds seems secondary in Glantz’s treatment of the school. Please note: there are no complaints against IASHS noted on the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs website.

    I cannot judge the merits of Glantz’s investigation of the other schools in his article, but are many problems with his journalistic treatment of IASHS.

    In order to generate reader outrage, Glantz refers to IASHS as a “sex school” – barely acknowledging its actual status as a private graduate school permitted to grant academic and professional degrees by the State of California since 1976 (approved, but not accredited). (IASHS was previously accredited, but the agency went out of business.)

    More importantly, Glantz also fails to mention that CA law SB1247 (September 2014) has forced IASHS and other non-accredited schools to either seek accreditation pronto or go out of business. In spite of Dr. Ted’s personal feelings about accreditation (as expressed in the article), IASHS has complied with SB1247 by submitting a plan to seek accreditation to the CA Bureau of Private Postsecondary Education (PBBE). In June, 2015, the BPPE approved the school’s plan to apply for accreditation through WASC Senior College and University Commission. (FYI, the school has not operated without oversight. BPPE conducts periodic inspections. Here is an inspection report from July 2014.) IASHS must now commit itself to a complex, expensive, time-consuming process lasting several years before achieving accreditation. Or die trying.

    I am also surprised by the following:

    Glantz does not interview any graduates of the school, or take note of the many leaders in the field of human sexuality who have attended, graduated, and/or lectured at IASHS. He does not mention publications, books, or educational programs and institutions created by IASHS alumni.

    Glantz does not mention that the student body usually consists of medical and mental health professionals, authors, counselors, and community sex educators, as well as bodyworkers, veterans, and others attracted to the field of human sexuality. G.I. bill students are not in the majority.

    Glantz does not mention that IASHS courses and degrees are accepted by the nationally respected American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) as meeting their educational requirements for those who seek AASECT certification. Many IASHS graduates apply for and achieve AASECT certification after a process which includes supervision and a certain number of clinical or educational practice hours. I have heard that about half of AASECT’s presidents have been IASHS-trained.
    Glantz covers infractions, bankruptcies, and other unethical behavior associated with other schools and school owners and managers in his article. But he fails to make a similar case against IASHS – except for his conversation with the school’s founder.

    Glantz does not examine or compare the IASHS human sexuality curriculum with programs in accredited institutions – such as the new human sexuality Ph.D. program at the California Institute of Integral Studies. He does compare the number of hours IASHS students accrue in various sexuality courses, as compared with the number of hours required by AASECT. If he had, he would have discovered that IASHS course hours exceed AASECT requirements. Glantz does not discuss what is required to earn a certificate, or either a professional or academic degree at the school. He does not provide examples of dissertation topics.

    Glantz offers no information or statistics as to employment or self-employment of alumni in general or veterans in particular.

    Glantz does not examine the professional organizations and ethics that govern graduates in their clinical practice.

    Glantz doesn’t mention what clinical sexologists actually do – which is help people to manage sexual dysfunctions and create more and better intimacy in their lives. Veterans, having many addtional challenges and disruptions to family life and intimacy (not to mention injuries which may cause dysfunction), are a group of people who generally have a proven need for trained assistance in this area.

    Glantz has also chosen to portray the school’s founder and president, Dr. Ted McIlvenna, in the worst possible light. Unfortunately, “Dr. Ted” made this easy for him. On his home turf, Dr. Ted frequently demonstrates a tendency to go for shock value when he could be more mindful of occasions requiring professionalism and gravitas. Dr. Ted forgets that what he says and does may reflect on the students and alumni of the school – in this case, very poorly – or that he may alienate potential students. In the interview with Glantz, Dr. Ted says that only a doctorate will open the door to the restricted materials, then proceeds to reveal them to Glantz, a journalist (who to my knowledge does not the have requisite doctorate). All of this shows remarkably inept judgment from someone who should know better. In any other organizational structure, Dr. Ted’s behavior would probably lead to a reprimand or even a call for resignation, given that his remarks are now prompting a call for a federal investigation into the school. But IASHS is family owned and operated.

    In their letter, the senators referred to “morally repugnant” institutions. And here I must share my own feelings of personal and professional repugnance and dismay. I have always considered IASHS to be a school which promotes a humane understanding of the broadest possible range of human sexual behavior. As students and professionals, we are challenged to examine our own prejudices, fears, and desires – and are expected to refrain from inflicting shame on anyone who comes to us for help, but who may have very different desires and behaviors than our own. IASHS education challenged me to forge a set of standards, practices and ethics which I would adhere to in the service of sexology and my clients. I knew pretty quickly that I would not work with sexual offenders, particularly pedophiles. I made a conscious choice to work only with adult clients who are engaged in consensual behavior.

    Every IASHS student is told that the restricted materials are allowed on the campus for serious research purposes only (most likely under CA penal code 111-112.7, though the code is never named).

    So it sickens me that these materials are exploited as conversational shock value by the IASHS founder, and bandied about as such by the article’s writer. For me, this is where the charge of institutionally morally repugant behavior has some merit. If such materials do have bonafide research value to people seeking to understand and treat sexual offenders, then these materials should be respected (just as we would respect the historical value of materials documenting genocide and other reprehensible human tragedies). We cannot argue that these are important academic documents, and then trivialize them in this manner. These materials were created through cruelty and suffering. We should remember that real people, real children, were made to submit to abuse and sexual violence in order to create such images. We should not make the documentation of their pain and powerlessness a joke or a source of cheap conversational titillation, under any circumstances – including the “let’s make it viral” promotion of a piece of journalism. I condemn Dr. Ted’s, and the writer’s, treatment of this subject.

    So I worry that lack of Dr. Ted’s gravitas in the treatment of these materials will undermine the legal argument that he has them on the premises for legitimate educational purposes. If this is not true, it creates a potential risk for students who may not be protected by CA penal code 311-312.7 after all.

    Aside from this matter, if IASHS is included in an investigation led by the Secretary of Veteran’s Affairs, then let it be included for the right reasons: to assess its curriculum, materials, operations, and policies in accordance with the standards set in place for educational excellence, particularly as compared to other graduate level human sexuality programs. Let the veterans who have trained there make a case for the school, or against. Let other graduates add their voices, opinions, and experiences.

    It is my fervent hope that the upcoming accreditation process (through WASC) will provide IASHS with an opportunity to reform, to update its curriculum, and to correct deficiencies in staffing and policies. I hope an Academic Dean will be hired (there hasn’t been one for many years). I hope the current Dean of Students is allowed to thrive and grow in her position. I hope that a truly independent governing board will be established (as required by WASC), one which can implement high standards of professional management. I hope that the school will refocus its mission and financial resources on the needs of the students. It is my hope that one day the operations of the school will no longer be governed by personal foibles.

    IASHS is unique. It has a treasure trove of historical material, including decades of lectures by many of “the greats” of sexology. Though the school has seen vastly better days, and is in dire need of updated curricula and programs, the people who continue to enroll and graduate are usually stellar and go on to become dedicated clinicians, educators, and advocates who are trained to work compassionately with people in an area too often neglected or glossed over by other professionals. Though the school is in need of reform, it does not deserve to be condemned through a puritanical promotional stunt or subjected to a political witchhunt.

    I’d like my tax dollars to be spent some other way, thank you.

    7/20/15 UPDATE:

    Dr. Michael Ra Bouchard, also an IASHS-trained sexologist, has posted the following in LinkedIn and also given permission for me to share his thoughts here:

    Thanks for superbly articulating a measured response to this disturbing article, Amy.

    For the record, as both a graduate and faculty member of IASHS, I know for a fact that no one involved with the Institute, including Dr. Ted of all people, would ever make light of anyone’s suffering at the hand of sexual abuse or for that matter any other form of cruelty or abuse.

    On the contrary, the Institute’s “Sexual Bill of Rights” which Dr. Ted helped to create is quite specific that sexual abuse, constraint, coercion, exploitation, violence, fraud, and all nonconsensual actions imposed upon others are incompatible with our values and are therefore always reprehensible.

    Sensationalizing sexuality and going for the lowest common denominator are long time favorites of journalists, and why not, as such a tact often succeeds in garnering much sought-after attention to their story.

    In this instance the writer’s apparent tendency for sensationalism and Ted’s own propensity for shock value combusted when the highly inflammatory topic of sexual abuse was mixed in. While unfortunate, no real harm was done except to the Institute and Dr. Ted’s reputation.

    Human beings are notoriously fallible; despite the article’s flippant portrayal of Dr. Ted, anyone who knows him knows that he is a good man who has dedicated his life to the betterment of his fellow man. He and the Institute deserve much better than this hatchet job.

    There is no need for a congressional witch hunt of the Institute as there are no witches there to find, let alone burn. If there is to be any congressional investigation, let it be on how we can improve the sexual health and happiness of our people.

    Just imagine all the good that could be done for America should our government and the Institute actually work together towards the betterment of all Americans by designing sound national policies and comprehensive sexuality education programs that promote the sexual health and wellbeing of everyone throughout the country.

    Now wouldn’t that be wonderful!

     

  • Dearth of Representation – Images of Black Lovers in Sexology

    Dearth of Representation – Images of Black Lovers in Sexology

    Geoffrey & Carmen Holder, March 3, 1955 by Carl Van Vechten (1880-1964). Public Domain.
    Geoffrey & Carmen Holder, March 3, 1955 by Carl Van Vechten (1880-1964). Public Domain.

    As a sexologist who teaches, and who in course of teaching creates slideshow presentations and other materials, I’ve been frustrated by the overwhelming pervasiveness of white images and the lack of good quality, sex-positive images of black people and other people of color. Due to financial constraints, and because I have a finicky aesthetic, I search Wikimedia Commons for public domain and creative commons images in the categories of fine or erotic arts. In these categories (and even in the “human couples” category), beautiful and evocative images of loving black couples, such as the fine photograph  by Carl Van Vechten (above), are difficult to find. You can find loving black couples on public health posters however, and I understand the reasons for this. However, I wish that these images weren’t “always” so entwined with the context of disease prevention, know what I mean? Or maybe you don’t. I’m having a hard time expressing the nuances here. The image below is positive, sweet, caring, very attractive – all the things it should be in a public health message for safer sex – but I guess I wish we saw these same types of images more often in other mass media contexts, including ads for all kinds of products. As an educator, I want more portrayals of positive, intimate black relationships, of all genders and persuasions, to choose from. As a citizen, ditto.

    A_black_couple_lie_on_a_bed_together_smiling;_advertisement_Wellcome_L0052208

    I am delighted to find this series of photographs, below. The kissing couple below adorns a tram door. I think the this art piece is wonderful.

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    #1 Kissing couple on the doors of a tram in Bremen, Germany. Photo by Immanuel Giel, May 2009. Public domain.

    800px-Tram_Bremen_02
    #2 Kissing couple on the doors of a tram in Bremen, Germany. Photo by Immanuel Giel, May 2009. Public domain.

    Tram_Bremen_03
    #3 Kissing couple on the doors of a tram in Bremen, Germany. Photo by Immanuel Giel, May 2009. Public domain.

    I also like this photograph of an elderly couple laughing. There’s joy here.

    800px-Oklahoma_Sharecroppers-1914
    Oklahoma Sharecroppers, 1914. Found in a box of photographs and submitted to Wikimedia Commons by “Father of Don O’Brien.” Creative Commons.

    And below is a quiet, peaceful interlude in the lives of two people (and their pet). But the photo was taken for an Environmental Protection Agency report and discusses the growing disparity between black and white income levels in Chicago.

    405px-BLACK_COUPLE_AND_THEIR_DOG_IN_THEIR_APARTMENT_IN_SOUTH_SIDE_CHICAGO._FROM_1960_TO_1970_THE_PERCENTAGE_OF_CHICAGO..._-_NARA_-_556171
    Black couple and their dog in their apartment in South Side of Chicago. Photograph by John H. White (1945- ). Taken June, 1973. Copyright. Photo archived by EPA, given to Wikimedia by the National Archives and Records Administration.

    The photo below is also poignant, loving, cherishing.

    TwoMenHugging2
    Photo by Pacien, April 2005. Creative Commons.

    Though portrayals of black lovers are rare (aside from shots of celebrity couples), it’s even harder to find a good anatomical drawing or image that is not white. Sure, a few people have posted genital photographs on Wikimedia Commons, but they are mostly unsuitable for sex education materials. I’m automatically suspicious, for example, of any shaved images on posted on Wikimedia, even though shaving is a common practice.

    Of course, if I put on my erotologist hat, I can say all kinds of things about various images and forms of representation – but at the moment, I’m writing strictly about the difficulty of finding good, free, respectful sex, body, and relationship images that convey sexual, gender, cultural, ethnic, etc. diversity (without being fetishized or exoticized). I will also note that at IASHS, where I currently serve as Dean of Students, we have an enormous amount of erotic books, films, and artwork. But, due to a donation of a massive collection of gleaming sculpture, there’s currently a heavy emphasis on the female form in our common areas. And even so, we don’t seem to display much that isn’t white and hetero- (and cis-) centric. I’m on the lookout for a wider variety of images for my own office, as this lack of visual diversity troubles me.

    More to come on related topics.

  • Why Do I Teach Erotic Hypnosis to Lovers?

    Why Do I Teach Erotic Hypnosis to Lovers?

    The short answer is: it’s another part of my sexological “bag of tricks.” But I think this question also requires a longer explanation.

    All sexologists, sex counselors, sex coaches, and sex therapists develop a menu of therapeutic strategems, tips, techniques, and recommended products, books, and media to share with our clients. Most of us give classes and workshops on everything from orgasms, oral sex, erotic massage, tantra, coping with pelvic pain, aging and sexuality, and so on. We’re always looking for new, effective ways to assist our clients and students with their sexual concerns.

    We also often give our clients “homeplay” exercises to do between sessions. For couples, there may be a sensate focus series, non-demand touch exercises for building trust and somatic awareness, first used by sex therapy teams like Masters & Johnson and Hartman & Fithian, and still in wide use today. For a man with rapid ejaculation, there may be a program of mindful masturbation exercises designed to build his capacity for “lasting longer.”

    As a sexologist, I often use hypnosis in my practice, and I teach self-hypnosis and other mind-body skills to my clients. And this is good. But there’s more that can be done!

    For the last couple of years I’ve envisioned a well-designed mini-course in erotic hypnosis techniques which could be just as helpful as many of my other sex counseling staples. I’ve been working on the design of this course and have now refined it so that it is user friendly, based on wisdom culled from both the hypnotic world as well as the sexological one.

    I am convinced of the value of this endeavor. Hypnosis is so versatile! For example, lovers could use hypnosis to:

    • help each other relax before lovemaking (especially helpful in dropping the stresses of the work day or family life);

    • restore and renew that new relationship sensation of being entranced with a lover; and

    • to shower each other’s subconscious with ego-strengthening, affirmative, appreciative suggestions that promote confidence in each other and in the relationship. Can you imagine anything more nourishing than relaxing in a light trance state while being showered on a daily basis with words of love and appreciation, pouring right into your mind and heart?

    I suggest that these are great additions to an expanded erotic hypnosis repertoire – which includes the ability to heighten sensation, enjoy “hypno-gasms,” create variety through hypnotic fantasy, explore power play, and so on. In other words, lovers can empower themselves and their relationships through the skillful, consensual use of erotic hypnosis.

    Erotic hypnosis can also be a valuable tool for people who have some kind of physical impairment or disability, but who’d like to enjoy the fullest possible sex life. Think about it!

    I believe too that erotic self-hypnosis is a powerful tool for understanding one’s own erotic nature and core themes. Too often people are as disconnected from this awareness as they are from their own, and their lover’s, bodies. Why not explore your own eroticism through a combination of self-hypnosis and self-pleasure, for example?

    This is the potential I see – and I would like to alert my colleagues in the sexology field about this. I am launching my extended Erotic Hypnosis for Lovers courses (first one on August 17th), and am hopeful that people will realize their value. Yes, there are plenty of people exploring and enjoying erotic hypnosis and doing very well on their own – but I’d also like this modality, as a structured program, to make its way into the hands of sexologists, counselors, and therapists – as well as clients.

    Klimt-IntimateHypnosis