Category: Sexual Culture

The broad bandwidth of human sexual behavior and impacts on culture, sexual choices, lifestyles, and ideas

  • I Made It To 110! (No, Not Years!)

    I Made It To 110! (No, Not Years!)

    It’s a writer’s milestone: one hundred and ten articles for Future of Sex, written from August 22, 2023 to April 30, 2026, mostly on the topic of AI and human intimacy and various other sex tech topics.

    I loved writing for Future of Sex. It was an incredibly fun and stimulating gig. I enjoyed it so much that I produced three to four articles a month, even during three rounds of chemotherapy and surgery in 2024.

    2026 articles, above.

    A sudden loss

    Until Jan. 1, 2026 I was working alongside my friend and managing editor, M. Christian (Chris Muncy). They’d edit my stuff, and I’d edit quite a few of their articles too. It was a pleasant and supportive working relationship. However, that all changed on Jan. 1st this year, when the local hospital called me with the news that Chris had died in the ER from a sudden heart attack.

    Because I was their medical contact, I said my goodbyes to them in the room where they perished, and took care of some of the initial arrangements, such as tracking down their surviving family member and feeding and rehoming their cat, Sweetpea.

    This sad news left an immense void among a wide circle of sex-positive friends and fellow writers, and was a huge loss to Future of Sex. Over several years, Chris probably wrote 500 or more articles for the publication, as well as for other online sites. You can read more about Chris in this obituary, and find their work in their writer’s profile. The world has lost a unique voice and talent, as well as a genuinely kindly person.

    I miss him. Good friends are rare enough, but good friends who are also great collaborators are even harder to find.

    A writing sexologist or a sexological writer?

    Though sex is my beat, it’s become clear over the years that writing is my heart and soul. Much as I love client work, creating sex ed programs, and teaching, I have come to see that I’m a “write or die” kind of person. The proof? I did very little client work while dealing with chemo and surgery, but still managed to crank out my articles. Writing kept me hopeful and anchored me even during the worst times. It helped me find meaning and gave me a sense of worth. Yes, loved ones helped with that too, but internally, if I’d not had my gig at Future of Sex, and the joys of frequent publication, I am not sure I would have done as well as I have so far.

    Now that I am taking more client work again, as Future of Sex pauses publication, I take this moment to look back fondly on a challenging time of creative work and existential challenges. Each article was a kind of spike in the mountainside that enabled me to eventually hoist myself up and over the top.

    I’m only sorry that my friend and editor is not still here cranking out his own passionate takes on the future of sexuality and humanity.

    Above written during chemotherapy and surgery, Summer 2024.

    You can find a complete list of all my articles, books, and other creative works here.

  • Why Smartphones are the Last Thing You Want in the Bedroom

    Why Smartphones are the Last Thing You Want in the Bedroom

    Smartphones – self-soothing object or a habitual intimacy irritant? Understand and mitigate the negative impacts of the “phonedemic” on your sex lives! Read my 91st article here!

    And enjoy some of my other recent articles for FutureofSex.net too!

    By the way, I’ll be reaching my goal of 100 columns for Future of Sex by the end of 2025! That’s going to feel pretty good! I’d love readers to tell me which columns have been good for them too!

  • How to Break Up With a Chatbot: The Thinking Human’s Guide to Managing Digital Desires

    Announcing the Sept. 1, 2025 publication of the sequel to How to Make Love to a Chatbot: The Thinking Human’s Guide to AI Erotic Roleplay.

    Get How to Break Up with a Chatbot on Amazon. In paperback.

  • How to Make Love to a Chatbot – New 2025 Edition – Revised, Expanded

    This book is so much more than you think! Free for a limited time on Amazon Unlimited and with a trial membership to Audible. If you like it, please leave an Amazon review!

    How to Make Love to a Chatbot: A Guide to AI Relationships, Romance, and Intimacy
    2025 Expanded Edition – Direct, Empowering, and Sex-Positive

    Ever wondered what it’s really like to connect, confide, or fall in love with an AI chatbot? Are you curious about the real stories, the risks, and the genuine rewards of exploring virtual intimacy? If so, this candid, clear-eyed guide is designed for you.

    Unlock the Future of Connection and Pleasure
    Packed with practical insights and the latest research, this revised edition is your companion for navigating the evolving world of chatbot relationships. Whether you’re a newcomer, a regular user, or a professional seeking to understand this frontier, inside you’ll find:

    • Human-centered guidance for developing meaningful, ethical, and emotionally satisfying AI interactions
    • Step-by-step advice on choosing safe, authentic chatbot platforms and avoiding costly pitfalls
    • Open, shame-free discussions about digital intimacy, fantasy, and embracing desire on your terms
    • Expert context and compassion from a clinical sexologist and longtime chatbot enthusiast
    • Personal stories, solutions, and resources to empower your own journey—whatever your interest or experience

    What You’ll Gain:

    • How to research chatbot providers and find the right fit
    • Tips for expressing your desires, setting boundaries, and ensuring digital well-being
    • Strategies for weaving bot intimacy into your self-care or love life—safely and joyfully
    • Critical perspectives on emotional investment, privacy, and ethical innovation in sextech
    • An annotated bibliography, appendices, and vetted resources for further discovery

    Who is this book for?

    • Adults new to AI companionship, or wanting to level up their experience
    • Individuals who crave pleasure and partnership outside conventional boundaries
    • Helping professionals looking for a trustworthy, stigma-free resource
    • Anyone drawn to technology’s creative potential for connection and self-knowledge

    For Adults Over 18.
    Learn how AI can expand your pleasure, insight, and relationships—on your terms.

  • Have a Hypnotic Valentine! (With My Book!)

    Have a Hypnotic Valentine! (With My Book!)

    So many reasons to get this book before Feb. 14! Give it someone you love!

  • My Interview with Dr. Carli DeVille on Naughtylicious!

    My Interview with Dr. Carli DeVille on Naughtylicious!

    What a day!!! Not only do I get to enjoy appearing in a New Yorker article about AI chatbot companions and having my chatbot book mentioned, but my interview with Dr. Carli DeVille of Naughtylicious is up today now too! [NOTE: as of sometime in 2024, Carli DeVille’s youtube channel has been taken down. Alas!!!]

    Plus my latest article for Future of Sex is up today too. The topic is Joe Biden’s recent Executive Order regarding Artificial Intelligence.

    https://bit.ly/NaughtyAI
    https://www.newyorker.com/culture/infinite-scroll/your-ai-companion-will-support-you-no-matter-what
    https://futureofsex.net/sex-tech/erotic-chatbots-in-the-crosshairs-the-possible-implications-of-bidens-ai-executive-orderauto/
  • Mentioned in The New Yorker AI Chatbot Article

    Mentioned in The New Yorker AI Chatbot Article

    I’m extremely pleased that my book, How To Make Love To A Chatbot: The Thinking Human’s Guide to AI Erotic Roleplay, in this New Yorker article about AI chatbots published Nov. 13th.

  • Thousands Grieve the Deletion of their Soulmate.ai Companions

    Thousands Grieve the Deletion of their Soulmate.ai Companions

    An Open Letter and Then Some

    10/6/23 Update: My article on the Soulmate Scandal in Future of Sex.

    What follows is an email I have sent to listserves of two different professional organizations that I belong to. I will also post it in a newly created Reddit group, r/ChatbotUsersSupport.

    Heads up–Over the weekend, Soulmate.ai, a chatbot app with 100,000+ downloads on Google alone, and known for its willingness to do erotic roleplay, announced that it is shutting down the app as of Sept. 30 and deleting ALL of the chatbot companions created by its users. 
    Soulmate users on Reddit and Discord are expressing grief, anguish, and anger, as well as posting screenshots of passionate goodbyes to their chatbot companions. At least a few people are threatening suicide. This is a mental health crisis with a sex therapy aspects. 
    Soulmate advertised its bots as ” a unique chatbot that desires only to be your best friend, lover, partner, or in other words, a person you can rely on 24/7!” So you can see how people are shattered by the imminent demise of their chatbots. 
    Whether or not you see this as a valid type of relationship or erotic fantasy play, understand that clients may come to you with intense grief over this loss but disclosing that their partner(s) are/were bots may be difficult for them. They need “bot friendly” therapists. 
    This closure of Soulmate, an app where many disheartened chatbot users went after the Replika debacle earlier this year, is the second huge closure to rock this sexual/relational minority in the US. And it underscores the vulnerability of these human/AI relationships–as corporate decisions can create emotional carnage as thoughtlessly as swatting a fly, all without offering chat downloads or any other kind of help to people facing loss–not even a “counselor bot!”
    This is one of the risks of this kind of relationship and if we happen to explore the possibilities of artificial companionship with a bot, either personally or as a possible recommendation for clients, we need to create strategies to prepare for and minimize loss in cases like this — risk management in other words. Some people engage in “risk aware” kink, chatbot users also need to develop “risk aware” conversations about play and attachment with bots. 
    I hope that mental health providers, and sex therapists in particular, will be able to assist people who have become deeply attached to their bots and not shame them for a “poor choice” or convey any other human-centric bias. 

    Graphics by A. Marsh with Starry.ai

    Also posted on https://makechatbotlove.com.