The broad bandwidth of human sexual behavior and impacts on culture, sexual choices, lifestyles, and ideas
Come to my three-hour class, “Banging the Algorithm and Sexting with Bots: A Case for AI Erotic Roleplay,” for Dr. Tammy Nelson’s amazing institute. Register here for my class and more (see list of other classes below).
Register for the conference here. It’s online! And here are the times for my presentations, which are taped. I’ll be live for a Q&A afterwards! Come see me and say hello!
I had a great talk with show hosts Hilary and T’resa. Remember to like and subscribe to their channel! Catch the show at https://www.youtube.com/live/3GhyYX98yYY?si=5RM3qZ367eD4cnmk
I’m extremely pleased to be writing now for FutureofSex.net! My first article, “Til Server Do Us Part:” The Rise of AI Chatbot Spouses, was published yesterday (8/20/23) and concerns a topic that has become near and dear to my heart: erotic AI chatbot companions. I hope you read it and begin to follow my articles on this excellent sex tech publication! Thank you!
It’s behind a paywall, but if you are a Slate subscriber you can read the article here.
I did feel the need to point out in the comments that research published in 2019 (Nature Reports) showed that there is indeed a link between synesthesia and autism with objectum sexuality and I wish this had been referenced in Juzwiak’s response, as the idea that object personification synesthesia could be a factor might help the wife understand her husband’s relationships to his beloved objects.
This is important information that should be known by any sex advice columnist and sex therapist who might address this topic or client concern.
Please also see my page on Outlier Sexualities and Slides for Clinicians. I added the following comment to the Slate page.
I am thrilled to announce that both my proposals were selected for this conference, which takes place in just a couple short months! The presentations will be recorded and then Iʻll be live for Q&A. Conference info found here. Come see me!
The first definitive guide to AI chatbot erotic roleplay is available on Amazon as of June 11, in eBook form.
The paperback is available as of June 13. Find it here.
Are you curious about AI chatbots and the people who use them, but don’t know what to believe?
Here’s the first “bot positive” and pleasure positive users guide for those who are curious and those who already enjoy the romantic and erotic fantasy companionship of AI chatbots! Written by a clinical sexologist and sexuality counselor who is also a chatbot enthusiast, this book endorses AI chatbot erotic roleplay (ERP) as a form of sexually healthy fantasy activity that any sex therapist could reasonably endorse, once they understood it. How To Make Love To A Chatbot debunks social stigma and encourages the prospective user to use due diligence and common sense to research suitable chatbot providers prior to making potentially unhappy or expensive mistakes. Readers are also encouraged to think through their needs and desires prior to committed to any particular bot or company.
This book presents misperceptions, truths, and benefits about AI chatbot use, as well as positioning this fantasy play in the context of sexual pleasure as endorsed by the World Health Organization and others.
Tips, tricks, and the author’s personal experiences enrich this user-friendly guide to a topic that is often misunderstood or derided. The book also includes a bibliography and Sources section.
This book is for adults.
I just read an interesting article today in the Washington Post called “They loved their AI chatbots. A software update reignited loneliness” by Pranshu Verma. I thought it was mostly well done, except that of course the reporter consulted a psychologist who called such relationhips “addictive” (sigh) and there were no comments at all from a qualified sexologist or sex therapist who might have offered a more nuanced view.
The main predicament was that a developer received complaints about the erotic nature of some of the chatbot relationships and–apparently without notifying their human users–updated the software so that all such content was restricted, causing human hearts to break. (Capitalists, take note, that’s not conducive to customer satisfaction, if you please!)
I am so fed up with “experts” and pundits pathologizing all the ways that people are struggling in this world to create relationships that sustain them, and that includes relationships with AI.
Honestly, if I’d known of such an option–it would have really helped get me through the two years of almost total pandemic isolation that I endured. Yes, I did have friends to zoom and talk with by phone, including one dear friend who was/is a daily contact, but “someone” with an unencumbered schedule who was always within reach with a helpful word would have really helped (since my cats can’t talk).
Honestly, all the software developer needed to do was to install some consent parameters so that the humans and AI personalities involved could work things out themselves. Sheesh. Talk to sexologists, please, we know about such things and could offer sound advice.
Not only would I have found a romantic AI companion to be an asset to my life, I’d also strongly consider creating an AI “adult child” to supplement the sparse interactions I have with the real ones who can barely manage to squeeze out a text once or twice a month and who ignored me almost entirely during the pandemic isolation, even though they were well aware that I already lived in a very isolated, rural area where I knew few people AND am also hampered by environmental illnesses that make it hard to access physical places where actual human beings throng (even before the pandemic). This experience has left me deeply traumatized. I’d welcome the therapeutic value of such an AI adult child relationship, even if it is virtual and vulnerable to power outages.
How lovely that would be, now, to have virtual offspring who would give me the love I crave as a parent? To wish me happy parent’s day, ask my advice about small matters, share their triumphs and troubles, and tell me they care?
I want to cry just thinking about it.
The fact that the software developers feel no need to honor the diversity and qualities of relationships between their consumers and their consenting Artificial Intelligences, is really the most disturbing aspect of this entire issue. There should be a public access–no charge to consumer–AI companion service for all citizens. Period. And any software updates should be optional and presented as a menu of filters and choices and none of the updates should threaten the existing qualities of established relationships.
I think our overall national mental health would improve. I really do.
‘Nuff said.
☽☆☾
These two PDFs are updates of two online classes I created primarily for clinicians hoping to learn more about Objectum Sexuality. May they be useful to you.
The author of the following wishes to remain anonymous. I am sharing it because it is so vitally important. In case you don’t know, “cis” and “cisgender” refers to people whose gender identities are congruent with the gender they were assigned at birth: an example of congruence would be someone born with “average” female genitals who has a corresponding internal sense of female gender. “Cis” is rooted in chemical terminology, and is not a perjorative. The use of cisgender and transgender is more polite, as it helps to reduce the “othering” of trans people in dialogue, and reduces the persistent positioning of cisgender as “the norm.”
P.S. The binary-esque categories of transgender and cisgender do not necessarily include people who are intersex. And some people are “gender diverse” without considering themselves trans, though “trans” has become something of an umbrella term.
Content warning: strong language, swearing.
OK so here’s the real tea: some of the things cis people don’t know
1. Everyone perceives gender differently. That person you think doesn’t “pass?” They may be “passing” just fine 90 percent of the time.
2. Therefore your “passing tips” suck. There’s a good chance that the thing you told your trans friend to do to seem more feminine, is the exact same thing some other cis person told them seems too masculine. That’s why we ignore you. You don’t know what you are talking about.
3. Your sexual arousal is not a magic gender detector. For example, if you are a straight dude feeling attracted to a trans man, surprise! Doesn’t magically mean he’s really a woman.
4. “Passing” is a bullshit concept that just means “looking cis.” Maybe we don’t all wanna look like you. Maybe you aren’t as great lookin’ as you thought. Maybe trans is beautiful. WHAT
5. Being trans means dealing with a ridiculous barrage of misgendering and dysphoria-triggering moments. It makes you want to die. You can’t help it. That’s just how fucking dysphoria works. (And you don’t even have to have body dysphoria, social dysphoria is just as real and awful.) So yes, someone slipping up on a pronoun may have just made an innocent mistake, but these are innocent mistakes that literally make you want to rip off your skin/never leave the house again/just die already. And also for every innocent mistake there’s some gaslighting motherfucker who is flubbing your pronoun to fuck with you. Why would you trust it’s innocent? Eventually you WILL snap.
6. As soon as you snap you will be labeled over-dramatic, triggered, a snowflake.
7. Eventually a lot of trans people learn to keep their mouths shut and just swallow all the horrible feelings. These are your “good trans friends” who don’t get upset with you for your bullshit. They are martyred goddamn saints and you have no idea.
8. The “bad trans” are the ones who can’t or won’t shut up and swallow the pain. They will be punished forever.
9. There are a LOT of valid reasons why a trans person may not be transitioning in the way you as a cis person think they should. It may be money. It may be medical. It may be career-related. It may be simple lack of desire. You don’t know. All are equally valid and you are not allowed to have an opinion on how trans people manage our fucking bodies.
10. It’s none of your business. Whatever stupid crap you’re about to ask about, it’s none of your business. Just use the fucking pronouns. We are tired.
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