Category: Sexual Culture

The broad bandwidth of human sexual behavior and impacts on culture, sexual choices, lifestyles, and ideas

  • Kumu Hina Documentary – It’s Stunning!!!

    Kumu Hina Documentary – It’s Stunning!!!

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    Ever since viewing the documentary, Ke Kulana He Mahu – Remembering a Sense of Place, a few years ago, I’ve been an appreciative “fan” of Hinaleimoana Wong-Kalu, a kumu hula (hula teacher) and cultural/community activist from O’ahu. And so I’ve eagerly awaited the San Francisco Frameline Film Festival screening of the new documentary, Kumu Hina. Here’s the trailer:

    The film screened yesterday in SF, and will be shown in Berkeley tonight. I was lucky to go yesterday with one of my hanai sisters, Therese Wonnacott aka Aunty Anita, who is herself a mahuwahine community and cultural activist. Among other things, she runs and promotes the California Panache pageant (a topic which deserves its own separate blog!). (And have to give a shout-out to Danielle Castro, my adopted niece!)

    It was thrilling and emotionally moving to sit in the Castro Theater and hear the voice of San Francisco hula luminary, Kumu Patrick Makuakane, as he welcomed Kumu Hina with a chant, and to hear her voice ring out as she answered in kind. (After the film, some members of the audience stood up and offered I Ku Mau Mau, a chant often used to express solidarity.)

    The film itself was glorious. Personally, I was in heaven as it combined two of my top passions – Hawaiian culture (and activism) and support for gender variant people. And, as the mother of two, including a recent college graduate who just happens to be a trans guy, the portrayal of Ho’onani, one of Kumu Hina’s young students, was very meaningful. The fact that this kid was able to take her “place in the middle” with the full support of her teacher (and perhaps the somewhat more cautious permission of her family) was outstanding. Honestly, this is so rare in the world! Ho’onani is not the only “in the middle” kid Kumu Hina has taught, but her story and presence was especially compelling.

    Of course, opportunities for examination of all kinds of intersectionality abound in this film. And though this blog is not meant to be a film review as much as it is a tale of my experiencing of the film, I can’t avoid mentioning some of them. For one thing, though my heart was wide open, I was watching with non-Hawaiian eyes. And I had many lenses over these eyes: sexologist lens, parent of a trans person lens, former hula student lens, Hawaiian independence ally lens, partner of an elder Hawaiian independence activist and cultural practitioner lens, hapless citizen of the country occupying Hawai’i lens, younger partner of somewhat older person lens, feminist lens, settler-colonist of Turtle Island lens, and so on. Different parts of the film resonated with me on different levels and in different ways, while at other times I was aware of how profoundly different my life is from the experiences of the people in the film.

    When Ho’onani opened up her voice and spirit and chanted, I was remembering how my oldest kid, as an eleven-year-old hula student, also used to chant with an intense spirit and voice. Watching the footage of rural Kaua’i, I hearken back to a certain off-grid plot of land in Waimea on Hawai’i island, where wild pigs, sheep, and dogs sometimes have roamed together. I also commiserated with the difficulties of long-distance relationships.

    And when I came home late last night from the reception which followed the screening, I found a large pile of dishes in the sink – left for me to clean. So I recalled scenes from the film where Kumu Hina, an accomplished professional woman, copes at the end of the day with dinner and cleaning while her husband watches television. Her remarks about Polynesian men hit home too – and I responded to them as someone who has sometimes clashed with my (long-distance) Polynesian partner over issues which seem crystal clear to me as a white, feminist, urban Californian, but are far deeper and much more complex when taking so many other issues – and a whole other human being with a different genealogy and culture – into account.

    Cultural clashes, intersections, and complexities are inevitable and not all binary, in spite of how I have written them here. In the Kumu Hina film there are many opportunities to explore elements which are either explicit or  implicit (or both!) and which rub up against each other in various ways, causing sensations of pleasure, confusion, inspiration, or pain: in front of the camera/behind the camera; love/struggle; male/female; rural/urban; American/Hawaiian; gender conforming/gender variant; colonizer/colonized; compliant/resistant; commodified/authentic; educated/less educated; younger/older; professional/working class; this island/that island; student/teacher; parent/child; conservative/progressive; and so on.

    And yet the main message of this film – kept real by Hinaleimoana Wong-Kalu’s honesty, integrity, and groundedness – was not just the explicit message of aloha (the deeper kind, not the touristy interpretation), but also an implicit one of teachability. The film seemed to trust that most of us who watched it (as well as those who were involved in the making and living of it) could and would experience many layers of learning through the film  – learning which would lead us with more hopeful certainty to the possibility of understanding and experiencing aloha.

    I am happy that Bay Area folks in LGBTQI etc, ally, Hawaiian, Pacific Islander, and Hawaiian music communities (often overlapping) combined to give Kumu Hina a welcome and a reception that was warm, loving, appreciative, and hospitable. She has many friends and sisters here, and they came out in force for her, cooked for her, played and sang for her, fetched more teriyaki sauce, and admired her copper colored sandals…

    The rest of us who only knew of her, rather than knowing her personally, joined the standing ovations she and the film deserved. And I’m hoping some of us at least will also give to the film’s Kickstarter campaign (they’re trying to raise $10,000 and are about $7,000 short) and to Hinaleimoana Wong-Kalu’s OHA election campaign fund. OHA stands for “Office of Hawaiian Affairs” and she is running for election as a trustee.

    I am also hoping that Halau Lokahi, the Hawaiian charter school where Kumu Hina teaches, will survive its current troubles. You can sign a petition supporting the school here and donate at the above link. These schools are super important for Kanaka Maoli (Native Hawaiian) kids, and deserve our support.

  • Respect for Diversity Important In New Sex Ed Teacher Standards

    Respect for Diversity Important In New Sex Ed Teacher Standards

    The new National Teacher Preparation Standards for Sexuality Education are hot off the press, and have just been issused by the Future of Sex Education, along with SEICUS, Answer – Sex Ed, Honestly, and Advocates for Youth.

    If you haven’t done so already, you can download the PDF by clicking the National Teacher Preparation Standards link above.

    Because cultural appropriation and intersectionality are so important, I am delighted to see that the new standards include respect for “diversity and equity” as described below. I am not surprised by this. Helping professionals and their organizations know that these are key elements in any successful and useful interaction with clients, patients, consumers, and students. The excerpt below is taken from the PDF:

    <<Standard 2: Diversity and Equity

    Teacher candidates show respect for individual, family and cultural characteristics and experiences that may influence student learning about sexuality.

    There is tremendous diversity represented in US classrooms. Often, “diversity” refers to race, culture and ethnicity. Within sexuality education, however, there are other forms of diversity to consider as well, such as family structure (e.g., single parents, step parents, teen parents); religious affiliation; social, emotional and physical developmental level; sexual orientation; gender identity and expression; sexual history; and relationship abuse. These visible and invisible diversities are present in every classroom and affect how students learn. Effective teachers are respectful of multiple dimensions of diversity and tailor instruction appropriately.

    Indicators

    Successful teacher candidates will:

    2.1 Demonstrate the ability to create a safe and inclusive classroom environment for all students.

    2.2 Describe how students’ diverse backgrounds and experiences may affect students’ personal beliefs, values and knowledge about sexuality.

    2.3 Demonstrate the ability to select or adapt sexuality education materials that both reflect the range of characteristics of the students and community and respect the visible and invisible diversities that exist in every classroom.>>

    When sexual health and education products are created in either conscious or unconscious violation of respect for diversity, the learning (and therapeutic) environment is affected. It is no longer safe or inclusive for the person or group who is disrespected. Learning will be less likely to occur. In a clinical environment, there can be no therapeutic value either.  In fact, in both of the above situations, disrespect is likely to produce a negative experience rather than a neutral one.

  • Multicultural Competence is Essential

    Multicultural Competence is Essential

    Any truly ethical “helping professional” will make great effort to attain a measure of “multicultural competency” in order to effectively assist people who are of different backgrounds, religions, ethnicities, countries, cultures, etc. than the person who is doing the “helping.” This is important because offending a person – intentionally or otherwise – means the “helping” is less likely to happen. There will be no trust, and without trust, no rapport, and without rapport nothing can be achieved on behalf of the client, student, patient, consumer.

    Helping professionals include licensed clinical social workers, medical personnel (doctors, nurses, clinic staff, etc.), mental health professionals, licensed professional counselors, sex therapists, sexologists, sexuality educators, sexual health educators, physical therapists, case managers, and so on. Many of these folks will spend time and money on training to improve multicultural competency, either through academic or continuing education venues, such as conferences, workshops, etc. Professional and scientific literature also proves and endorses the importance of multicultural competency and awareness in ethical clinical practice.

    To get a rough sense of the range of multicultural ethical considerations and practice expectations which affect the competency of helping professionals, check out these links. In some cases these documents represent decades of work.

    Multicultural Issues in Social Work, Vol. 2 – book description.

    The Ethics of Cultural Competence by Michael Paasche-Orlow, MD, MPH, MA (PDF of the entire article). Here’s a quote from the abstract: Though rarely stated explicitly, the essential principles of cultural competence are (1) acknowledgement of the importance of culture in people’s lives, (2) respect for cultural differences, and (3) minimization of any negative consequences of cultural differences. Culturally compe- tent clinicians promote these principles by learning about culture, embracing pluralism, and proactive accommoda- tion. Generally, culturally competent care will advance patient autonomy and justice.

    AMCD Multicultural Counseling Competencies – PDF of guidelines. Here’s a quote: Culturally skilled counselors understand and have knowledge about sociopolitical influences that impinge upon the life of racial and ethnic minorities. Immigration issues, poverty, racism, stereotyping, and powerlessness may impact self esteem and self concept in the counseling process.

    American Psychological Association Guidelines for Providers of Psychological Services to Ethnic, Linguistic, and Culturally Diverse Populations.
    A Review of APA & ACA Cultural Guidelines Implementing Multicultural Health Care Standards, which mentions the need to “develop culturally appropriate materials and programs.”
    Note: This blog was revised on May 7th after the May 6th announcement that the controversial “hula” STD alert app will receive a name change in the near future. I thank Qpid.me CEO Ramin Bastani for his decision to do the right thing and for his willingness to learn from the Native Hawaiians who contacted him.
  • Sex Squicks & 100 Other Things You Didn’t Know About Sex!

    Sex Squicks & 100 Other Things You Didn’t Know About Sex!

    SexSquicks 400

    My book is coming out at last! This has truly been one of the best weeks of my life! A few days ago, I received an invitation to serve on the Advisory Board of the American College of Sexologists (see previous blog) and I’m so thrilled about that! And today I got my first peek at the cover of my first book, Sex Squicks, published by Sizzler Editions in the Sexperience (nonfiction) section. I’m so delighted with the cover! It surpasses my expectations! Sex Squicks is volume one of a collection of my Carnal Nation columns. I adored writing a weekly column for Carnal Nation and was so sorry when they abruptly stopped publishing. The second and third volumes should be out later this year.

    Sex Squicks will be available as an eBook and later in paperback. It should be up on Amazon, too!

    I’m just so glad and delighted about this, today of all days! It was worth the wait! Many thanks to the amazing Jean Marie Stein, my publisher, and Frankie, the talented graphic designer, and all the rest of the amazing Sizzler Editions staff!

  • For Immediate Release: Sexologist Surveys Erotic Hypnosis Enthusiasts

    For Immediate Release: Sexologist Surveys Erotic Hypnosis Enthusiasts

    FANTASY LOVE & THE BIG HYPNOTIC “O”

    Big Hypnotic O

    Sexologist Surveys Erotic Hypnosis Enthusiasts – Presents Highlights Jan. 11, 2014

    A new independent survey reveals the erotic world of 225 people who use hypnosis to create enjoyment and variety in their personal lives. Sexologist Amy Marsh will present preliminary statistics and key findings on Saturday, Jan. 11, at 1:30 PM PST, during a free webinar hosted by Creative Sexuality Education Corp:

    (http://sexedforadults.org/free-events/erotic-hypnosis-survey).

    Highlights include the popularity of hypnotic orgasms and the satisfaction they bring. 54% of survey respondents “frequently” use hypnosis to create or improve orgasms, while another 34% do it “sometimes.” 55% said they were “very satisfied” with hypnotic orgasms, while 25% were “somewhat satisfied.”

    The survey also shows that erotic hypnosis enthusiasts give high priority to trust, consent and safety issues.

    “The brain really is the most powerful sex organ. People who play with erotic hypnosis are using their imagination to dramatically improve their sex lives.” Dr. Marsh added, “Some of these techniques could be adapted and taught to many others, including people with physical impairments and other health concerns.”

    Amy Marsh, EdD, DHS, CH, CI is a board certified clinical sexologist, AASECT-certified sex counselor, sexuality educator, certified hypnotist, and certified hypnosis instructor.  She teaches a 300-hour certificate course in sexological hypnosis at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS) in San Francisco and is an online instructor at Sex Coach U and Creative Sexuality Education Corp. In private practice, she specializes in using hypnosis to address sexual concerns. Marsh has also researched objectum sexuality and has been published in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality. Her findings resulted in appearances on Good Morning America, Tyra Banks, National Geographic Taboo, and other media.

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    If you’d like more information about the topic, or to schedule an interview with Dr. Marsh, please call 510-277-0440 or email dr.amymarsh@hushmail.com

  • What Do Erotic Hypnotists Do? And How Do They Feel About It?

    What Do Erotic Hypnotists Do? And How Do They Feel About It?

    Rough Numbers

    For the last few days I have had the deep joy and fascination of creating and launching a baby survey, and watching it grow by leaps and bounds. I’ve been considering a survey of erotic hypnotists for quite some time, but for some reason last week, I just up and did it. My research question was a variation on the classic sexological inquiry: “what do people do? And how do they feel about it?” I wanted to know what erotic hypnotists and their subjects do with hypnosis in their personal lives, and how happy they are with the results. And I wanted to know their key concerns and issues. Demographics too, just a few…

    I started with ten questions, and an upper limit of 100 responses (due to the fact that I was using the free plan on Survey Monkey). However, due to the rapid and enthusiastic response from people on some erotic hypnosis groups,  circumstances quickly warranted an upgrade so that I could collect more than 100 responses. As of this morning, Jan. 6, I have 219 completed surveys – and have had to delete at least three times that number of incomplete offerings created by people who look, but don’t answer. (This last has been somewhat tedious.)

    On Jan. 4th, in honor of World Hypnotism Day, I held a free webinar at Creative Sexuality, to talk about “Five Ways Hypnosis Helps Couples” but ended up focusing less on techniques and more on what was coming out of the survey. I used a lot of the comments given by survey respondents. A recording of this presentation should be posted soon, both on the above link, but also on Creative Sexuality’s YouTube channel.

    On Jan. 11th, I plan to hold another free webinar at CS to share the rough numbers and some key highlights with the erotic hypnosis community. I’ll post a link to that when it’s up – but I figured that would be a fun way to present some of the data, and as it will also be recorded, more than just the webinar attendees will get to watch.

    I’m not ready to write anything else about the data yet, but it’s so juicy, so wonderful, so fruitful, and above all, so much fun!

  • An Old-Fashioned “Sexpert”

    An Old-Fashioned “Sexpert”

    Electrical Bananas

    Generating routine sex tips for fairly common forms of heterosexual behavior is the kind of gig I never get – which is odd, considering I’m a sexologist and therefore open to all kinds of press queries on all things sexual. I’ve mostly been approached by writers looking for information about topics like Objectum Sexuality, and my last National Geographic Taboo gig had me in front of a green screen commenting on human puppy training. (They shot some foot fetish comments too, but I haven’t seen them and don’t know if they were used.) However, a few weeks ago I was approached by a writer from Redbook looking for some tips on blow jobs.  I was actually rather pleased to get a request for something so simple and uncomplicated.

    The problem is that there are so very, very many articles that recycle the same old sex tips. I tried to include some new ideas, but they didn’t make it into the article.

    The stock photos of phallic fruits and vegetables were also somewhat predictable. However, they remind me of the penile gastronomy encyclopedia entry I wrote for the Cultural Encyclopedia of the Penis, soon to be published by AltaMira Press, edited by Kimmel, M., Milrod., C. & Kennedy, A. (I also wrote entries for penis slang and invective and hypnotizing the penis.) I’ll be overjoyed when that book makes it into print!

    Still, I’m always happy for a chance to comment on just about anything pertaining to sex! Especially if someone somewhere will have a better time as a result.

  • UnSlut Project Panel Discussion – Video

    UnSlut Project Panel Discussion – Video

    It’s been a few months, but now the UnSlut Project panel discussion on slut shaming – hosted by Creative Sexuality Education Corp. – is out and online! The panel features Emily Lindin, of the UnSlut Project as moderator; Dr. Ted McIlvenna, president of the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS) in San Francisco; Dr. Carol Queen of the Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco;  Leora Tanenbaum, author of Slut – Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation; Natalie Mills, MFT; and yours truly opening the program. This was a pretty heavy duty SF Bay Area line-up of speakers! Here’s the video. There is a wide array of very interesting perspectives, but we’re all agreed, slut shaming is incredibly damaging and wrong.

    Personally, Joan Jett’s Bad Reputation has been my theme song for time that’s longer than I care to remember. But then, that’s my punk roots showing… Now that I think about it, what a grand thing it is to be a punk sexologist!

  • Five Great Ways to Use Personal Erotic Hypnosis

    Five Great Ways to Use Personal Erotic Hypnosis

    Erotic hypnosis workshops taught by Dr. Amy Marsh
    Erotic hypnosis workshops taught by Dr. Amy Marsh.

    I predict that erotic hypnosis will be the hot new erotic trend of 2014. There are so many great things you can do with it, for yourself and with your lovers. 

    Consenting adults use personal erotic hypnosis to enhance and enrich their sexual relationships. Erotic hypnosis is so versatile you can adapt it to any scenario: romantic;  tantric; edgy; and even kinky. Erotic hypnosis can help you increase (or decrease) all kinds of sensations, boost your fantasy life, and add multiple dimensions to any sexy role play. Use erotic hypnosis as foreplay or to intensify the hottest parts of your sexual encounters. Use it alone (erotic self-hypnosis), with a partner, or in a group. Like a trusty vibrator, erotic hypnosis can go just about anywhere… 

    Here are just five of the many great ways you can use erotic hypnosis:

    1. Getting in the Mood. If you’re too stressed to even think about sex, ask your partner to indulge you with a long, soothing progressive relaxation induction that gradually shifts into sensual, arousing imagery. This is as simple as reading a script, though you can certainly ad lib as you learn more about basic hypnotic techniques.

    2. Getting in the Groove. In order to become aroused and sustain that loving feeling, you need to stay on the right side of your parasympathetic nervous system (until you’re close to orgasm, which is when your sympathetic nervous system kicks into high gear). You can use hypnotic relaxation techniques to increase your sexual self-confidence and banish performance anxiety.

    3. Getting in Touch. When you’re “entranced,” it’s easy to experience an increase in sensual awareness and sensation by simply listening to your lover’s suggestions and succumbing to the power of your imagination. Trust me, your body will respond. Hypnosis plus touch is also a potent combination.

    4. Getting Hot! Deepen your sexual experiences on all levels – sensations, fantasies, variety, role play, and even hypnotic orgasms. Basic hypnotic skills can take you there.

    5. Getting Kinky. You can create wild and elaborate fantasy scenarios without spending a dime on equipment and toys. Use hypnosis to imagine and rehearse something you might want to try in the future, or to provide an extra dimension for your present fun and games.

    Erotic hypnosis also has a lot to offer people who have chronic illnesses and/or physical impairments that might make some sexual activities difficult. With erotic hypnosis, you can take your mind – and your sexual responses – where you body might not physically follow.

    Of course, erotic hypnosis should only be used in a responsible way, with a lot of trust and a lot of talking beforehand – working out most of what you want to try and experience, in advance, and getting clear consent for every part of it. There’s much more to be said on this topic – and about the basic hypnosis skills you must acquire – but for now, this is a glimpse into the benefits and uses of recreational, erotic hypnosis.

    Gustav Klimt Judith I, 1901 Öl auf Leinwand 84 x 42 cm

  • Why Do I Teach Erotic Hypnosis to Lovers?

    Why Do I Teach Erotic Hypnosis to Lovers?

    The short answer is: it’s another part of my sexological “bag of tricks.” But I think this question also requires a longer explanation.

    All sexologists, sex counselors, sex coaches, and sex therapists develop a menu of therapeutic strategems, tips, techniques, and recommended products, books, and media to share with our clients. Most of us give classes and workshops on everything from orgasms, oral sex, erotic massage, tantra, coping with pelvic pain, aging and sexuality, and so on. We’re always looking for new, effective ways to assist our clients and students with their sexual concerns.

    We also often give our clients “homeplay” exercises to do between sessions. For couples, there may be a sensate focus series, non-demand touch exercises for building trust and somatic awareness, first used by sex therapy teams like Masters & Johnson and Hartman & Fithian, and still in wide use today. For a man with rapid ejaculation, there may be a program of mindful masturbation exercises designed to build his capacity for “lasting longer.”

    As a sexologist, I often use hypnosis in my practice, and I teach self-hypnosis and other mind-body skills to my clients. And this is good. But there’s more that can be done!

    For the last couple of years I’ve envisioned a well-designed mini-course in erotic hypnosis techniques which could be just as helpful as many of my other sex counseling staples. I’ve been working on the design of this course and have now refined it so that it is user friendly, based on wisdom culled from both the hypnotic world as well as the sexological one.

    I am convinced of the value of this endeavor. Hypnosis is so versatile! For example, lovers could use hypnosis to:

    • help each other relax before lovemaking (especially helpful in dropping the stresses of the work day or family life);

    • restore and renew that new relationship sensation of being entranced with a lover; and

    • to shower each other’s subconscious with ego-strengthening, affirmative, appreciative suggestions that promote confidence in each other and in the relationship. Can you imagine anything more nourishing than relaxing in a light trance state while being showered on a daily basis with words of love and appreciation, pouring right into your mind and heart?

    I suggest that these are great additions to an expanded erotic hypnosis repertoire – which includes the ability to heighten sensation, enjoy “hypno-gasms,” create variety through hypnotic fantasy, explore power play, and so on. In other words, lovers can empower themselves and their relationships through the skillful, consensual use of erotic hypnosis.

    Erotic hypnosis can also be a valuable tool for people who have some kind of physical impairment or disability, but who’d like to enjoy the fullest possible sex life. Think about it!

    I believe too that erotic self-hypnosis is a powerful tool for understanding one’s own erotic nature and core themes. Too often people are as disconnected from this awareness as they are from their own, and their lover’s, bodies. Why not explore your own eroticism through a combination of self-hypnosis and self-pleasure, for example?

    This is the potential I see – and I would like to alert my colleagues in the sexology field about this. I am launching my extended Erotic Hypnosis for Lovers courses (first one on August 17th), and am hopeful that people will realize their value. Yes, there are plenty of people exploring and enjoying erotic hypnosis and doing very well on their own – but I’d also like this modality, as a structured program, to make its way into the hands of sexologists, counselors, and therapists – as well as clients.

    Klimt-IntimateHypnosis